Helicopter Parenting: Bringing You the Useless Generation

How does one go 18 years without making a decision or accepting a consequence? Get lucky enough to be born to "helicopter parents." So-called because of their delight in hovering, these moms and dads are determined that their little angels will never have to face the big bad world alone.

It can start with Attachment Parenting, and meander into the world of home schooling. There are monitors to attach to your kids when playing in the neighborhood park (or I suppose at all times, were one so inclined.) Twelve year-olds get cell phones with GPS so they can be in constant contact, or at least available for it. Trick-or-treating? Forget about it. Apparently, white middle-class suburbs are so dangerous that the only viable option for parents is to take their children to the local mega church for a safe Halloween substitute.

Sure, it is annoying to watch one's family and friends become irrevocably insane after the birth of a child. But the sheer annoyance of it all is the least of the problems that go along with this hovering mentality. The real issues start with that already delicate process of becoming an adult -- you know, an independent and contributing member of society -- which just so happens to be the opposite of what the helicopter parent creates. The very idea of independence is being bred out of a generation of American children.

It would take all day to recount the numerous articles and anecdotes I've read from college recruiters and employers who are beginning to deal with this babied generation. One of my favorites is from an Oprah magazine article in which a college dean had to explain to a mother that no one would be available to do her son's laundry. The mom in question was quite upset with that state of affairs -- her precious boy had no idea how to make fresh undies out of soiled ones, and this was an area of great concern for her.

As a person with a bit of experience in management, I cannot describe in polite terms the reaction I have to parents requesting application forms for their teenager or young adult, then returning with the form a little later. There were times I never saw hide nor hair of the prospective employee. Why on Earth would anyone hire a person who cannot even manage to participate in their own employment process? It was not unusual to then hear from the parent once or twice a week inquiring about the status of said application. It always made me wonder who was actually trying to get hired.

Fear and laziness, however, are not the worst results of this school of parental thought. The worst is entitlement. The idea that effort, not results, are what counts. If one works all night on a project and that project is nonetheless awful, it does NOT deserve an "A" for effort. Unless, that is, one is in a class on effort. If precious Jenny tries and tries and still cannot manage to remember her multiplication tables, how is her bad grade the fault of the teacher? Well, just ask little Jenny's mom. While perhaps Jenny should simply concentrate on other areas of endeavor, it is more likely that the teacher, principal, and anyone else within earshot will get a lashing. Oh, the horror stories I have heard from teachers...

It is a misconception that the embarrassingly low salary is the reason more qualified individuals don't teach. Fear of parents seems to take the top honors in that category among the real-life teachers, almost-teachers, and ex-teachers I know. I recall being told once by my grandfather, "If you get a bad report at school, don't tell me it is the teacher's fault. It's the teacher I will believe until it's proven otherwise." That mentality is not so much around anymore. Rather, parents have embraced the teenage mantra that the mean old teacher is out to get 'em. While it may not be the only thing keeping potentially great teachers out of the classroom, crazed moms and dads play more of a role than they realize in many people's decision to pursue what may be the most important profession.

We all will have to live with the progeny of these hovering, albeit well-meaning, parents. Maybe there is a bright side though. Perhaps the service industries will blossom, creating a job market for all of us who are willing to mop a floor or type an original paper. Housekeeper may just become the most in-demand career by 2030. Those of us who feel no need to have our hands held at all times may turn into some sort of uberclass! It's a thought. Maybe the helicopter babies will just Twitter until they get mass carpal tunnel syndrome, considering their incessant need for constant contact, no matter how trivial.

Then they'll be on disability and we will all get to take care of them -- just like mom and dad would have wanted!