Helicopter Parents Hover Too Closely Over Their Kids' Lives, Say Experts

A Sept. 23 press release says that a recent research report by Social Technologies (ST), a research and consulting firm with offices in Washington, DC, London and Shanghai, says there's an increasing number of parents who are hovering over their children's lives. Dubbed helicopter parents, they micromanage their kids from the time they are in kindergarten until they are through college and into adulthood. CollegeBoard.com describes helicopter parents as always being "on the lookout for threats to their children's success and happiness. If a problem does surface, these parents are ready to swoop in and save the day."

Kevin Osborn is one of ST's senior writer/analysts and author of the research report. He says helicopter parenting "seems to be spreading beyond pushy preschool parents. As a result, some educators have called the 80 million children of baby boomers the most protected and programmed children ever." Pressuring teachers of elementary school children to explain a child's poor grades is one thing, but helicopter parents take things further and literally micromanage. They "continue to overstep boundaries and attempt to control their children's lives at every age level," says Osborn.

If that's true, and the number of helicopter parents really is increasing as experts assert, it may have ramifications for everyone involved, including not just parents and their kids, but educators and employers, as well.

Helicopter parents at the elementary school level can be described as those who become overly involved and sometimes pushy as they volunteer for any position that allows them to maintain a constant presence in their child's life, both in and outside of school.

At the high school level, helicopter parents become more intrusive. They text message their children in class, sometimes even doing their homework, writing their papers and completing after-school job applications.

CollegeBoard.com says that helicopter parents of college students are making their presence felt on college campuses too. They are registering their young adult children in classes, questioning professors about their kids' grades, and even intervening in roommate disputes. CollegeBoard.com says the "consequences of such behavior have been negative for students, parents, and colleges."

ST found that college career offices, corporate recruiters and human resources departments are also all experiencing more involvement and interference from parents than ever before. There is even one report where a Boeing job applicant brought his mother to the interview.

Osborn says there are reasons or "drivers," as he calls them, that have brought about helicopter parenting. "As family sizes shrink, attention is focused more intently on the one or two children and some parents have responded by sheltering or smothering them. Also, many baby boomers have worked hard to develop close bonds with their kids, often positioning themselves as their children's best friends or closest confidants," Osborn says. Also, spontaneous community interaction is more difficult for youngsters now as suburbs have grown and spread out. "Parents who want their children to have active social lives start planning play dates and signing them up for sports and extracurricular activities at a young age. Some may never step back from these habits of active management," says Osborn.

Also, says Osborn, "if seeing other parents hover compels more parents to join them to ensure their own children don't fall behind, the practice will likely continue to spread."

Experts agree that the consequences or results of helicopter parenting may be many and widespread.

For example, anxiety disorders seem more prevalent in children of helicopter parents. CollegeBoard.com says research indicates helicopter parents also suffer from mental health issues. Specifically, helicopter parents' anxiety and dissatisfaction with life have significantly increased in the past 20 years because of being overly involved in their kids' lives. This is said to be because helicopter parents "judge their own self-worth by their children's accomplishments" and "report sadness, negative self-image, and diminished contentment with life in general."

CollegeBoard.com and ST both assert that helicopter parents actually stunt their kids' maturation, leaving children less assertive as adults and possibly less competent. As adults, they are less able to negotiate for what they need and to solve their own problems.

So what's a parent to do if they determine they are a helicopter parent?

Experts say that parents should be aware of the difference between helpful involvement and controlling hovering. Unless a child is experiencing emotional or physical trauma, is exhibiting disturbing behavior or personality changes, or is making mistakes that are threatening their education, parents should step back and let their children grow into responsible adults.

Experts also suggest that parents of high school and college students take a coaching role in the area of finances, but resist the temptation to take total control of all economic matters.

As for the parents themselves, experts suggest they have their own interests to help them be less invested in their kids' happiness. This isn't to suggest a parents shouldn't care if their children are happy. But being content with their own lives will help concerned parents be better able to handle their child's disappointments and be available as a healthy resource, versus a parent who intervenes and over-manages every problem.

Sources:

Press release, The Future of Helicopter Parenting; http://www.prweb.com/releases/2007/9/prweb555471.htm

Social Technologies; http://www.socialtechnologies.com/

CollegeBoard.com, How Not to Be a Helicopter Parent; http://www.collegeboard.com/parents/plan/getting-ready/50129.html