Hello. My Name is Addict

Before The Meeting

I was feeling a bit tense before walking in the door. I was beginning to wish this was a smoking group, but it wasn't. After a few minutes of thoughts about how I was about to invade their world and their privacy, I approached the door to find it locked. A gentleman in the hallway came and opened the door for me and it had turned out I was 45 minutes early due to some confusion on my part.

Now I was really there that night to take in an A.A. meeting and was welcomed whole-heartedly by the gentleman preparing the rooms for the meetings. He assured me it was open and I hung out and just talked about USC and how much I'm learning and remember thinking to myself, "This guy is really interested in my story, not just being polite."

As it got nearer to 8pm, people began to trickle in one by one. I was a bit shocked to see so many older people there. Some were probably well past retirement age. It wasn't too much longer before the chairperson told me this was a closed meeting, but I was welcome to attend anyway. After explaining the requirements of the assignment to her, she sent me down the hall to the Al-Anon meeting which was open.

During The Meeting

I did not experience as much apprehension going into this room since I was welcomed so warmly, with handshakes and hugs, in the other room. The Al-Anon meeting was much smaller than the A.A. meeting that was shaping up to begin and seemed somewhat more subdued or even depressed. They read from a series of papers, the twelve steps as they apply to Al-anon and welcomed guests and visitors as well as first timers. I was expecting it to be like they show on television, where each person gets up to introduce themselves in front of the group and admits they are a person affected by an alcoholic, but instead they talked about where they were in their own recovery and read devotionals and inspiring passages from books. I myself introduced myself as a student observer there to learn and was welcomed without any signs of discomfort from anyone, which eased my mind a little.

I was a little put off by the emphasis on what they termed "spirituality". Despite the assertion of the meeting chair that it was not oriented towards any specific religion, pledges were done towards a male deity entitled "God". They even ended with the Lord's Prayer. I was a little concerned that they may be putting off people who are completely atheist or those whose beliefs revolve around a female deity. It sounded and felt very Christian based to me.

As the meeting progressed, I began to realize that these people were not offering advice or trying to solve anyone else's problems. They were there to listen and provide encouragement and to remind that there can be, as one member put it, "times of joy now, where once all was chaos."

After The Meeting

I actually felt a little lighter myself. I felt the sharing of their burdens and was beginning to have a slight grasp on their concept of surrender and letting go. Maybe not to a higher power, but to recognize there are things I am helpless to control. All I can do is be responsible for how I react to things and get support if I think I cannot do it alone. That is a valuable lesson anywhere you go.

A.A. Thursday July 14^th 12pm

Before The Meeting

I was feeling very apprehensive before this meeting, despite the warm welcome I had received the day prior. This was going to actually be the true addicts I would be observing, not just those affected by this illness, and seeing some of the depressed faces in the Al-Anon meeting, I was beginning to expect I was going to see tears and breakdowns, which in my own current mental health state, might not have been good for me. I was much relieved to find a fellow classmate as I walked in however, taking a tremendous amount of anxiety from the pit of my stomach. As we were a few minutes early, we talked about class and my recent troubles which helped me relax as the group slowly grew until it filled the room. I remember thinking, "This is much more diverse in age and even race than what I witness at Al-Anon and the beginnings of that other A.A. meeting."

During The Meeting

I tried to listen even harder today, since I wanted to hear from the addicts themselves how they were managing and dealing with not only their addiction, but my discomfort with the male deity so recognizable as a Christian God in the Al-Anon meeting. The format was very similar to Al-Anon, with volunteers reading the twelve steps as it applies to Alcoholics Anonymous, however this time they opened with the Serenity Prayer. . This group was somewhat more gregarious and much larger. They even had an open invitation to have a group lunch somewhere after, but I digress. After readings of a few inspiring passages, the group actually broke into two groups which caught me off guard; male and female groups, although it was made clear either was welcome in either room if they felt so inclined.

I followed the men's group and immediately noticed a difference in the behaviors of the men in this discussion versus the mostly female Al-Anon group of the previous day. It launched almost immediately into a man's tale of moving to Greenville putting him into a situation where he relapsed into his addiction. Instead of the simple support provided in the Al-Anon meeting, the men were ready with not only encouragement, but anecdotes relating to his situation and ways in which they dealt with relapse or avoided relapse altogether. It was during this interchange that I found someone talking about how useless it was to fight with his wife about "the chicken or the egg." It was an example pulled straight out of a lecture delivered by the professor in Family Dynamics of Substance Abuse; a cyclical pattern. It goes something like this: "I drink because she nags, I nag because he drinks, I drink because he nags and so on and so forth. Changing behaviors, such as quitting nagging, is no guarantee that the alcoholic will stop drinking, but as one Al-Anon member said, "There is some peace now. I've surrendered this disease to a higher power."

Most importantly, I sensed a deep feeling of camaraderie between the majority of these people. They constantly referred to the elder members and their long-time sober sponsors with respect and even love.

After The Meeting

As I left, I left with a greater sense of peace. I learned some valuable tools in listening and responding that should help me in group therapy sessions and especially one on one counseling. One young lady had told the group she quit seeing her counselor because she got more from A.A than she did her counselor. I don't want to be like that.

It also ended again with a group prayer, but it was not one I recognized and seemed to be directed at no particular faith, which satisfied my concerns there a little.

N.A. Thursday July 14^th 7:30pm

Before The Meeting

At this point, I was beginning to feel like a seasoned professional member. I thought I knew what to expect, so I grabbed my coffee and my chair and waited for the meeting to start. However, the first thing I noticed was no one was interested in introducing themselves to me or welcoming me. This was such a great departure from the other two meetings, Al-Anon and A.A., that I was somewhat taken aback and felt slightly isolated and left out. I wondered if all newcomers were treated that way, or if it was just an isolated incident.

During The Meeting

Then, while it began with the readings again, the first speaker let forth a strongly confrontational diatribe about the lack of unity in N.A. groups and related a story involving a women's N.A. group, arriving to pick up a friend early and the police were called. What surprised me most is that a lot of people didn't truly listen to his story and practically threw blame at him for "trying to attend a women's meeting." He had clearly stated he was waiting to pick his friend up and never attempted to enter the building. This reinforced in me the need to practice active listening skills with clients at all times. This gentleman ended up storming out of the meeting feeling as if they were blaming him.

Shortly thereafter, while discussing the differences between a woman's or men's or gay and lesbian group, it was made clear that each Al-Anon, A.A., and N.A. is an autonomous group which can be run according to the wishes of the group providing the twelve traditions are followed. A link to the twelve steps and traditions is posted below if you'd like to read them.

It was also very apparent who was there because they wanted genuine recovery and those who were there by court order or some such program. Body language will tell a lot, and I noticed it was mostly younger attendees that were fidgety and rolling their eyes and not attempting to participate. Whether this is something significant you'll find across the meetings or if this was an isolated incident, I don't know. However, I did know that this group seemed edgier, more irritable and members self-reported large amounts of gossiping about members behind their backs. This was a definite difference between all the meetings. I suspect it has to do with the type of drugs they used and the fact that most people in the group claimed 30 days or less sober.

The final observation I made at the N.A. meeting was the near even split between African-Americans and Caucasians, and everyone was perceived by me to be of a lower income status based on style of dress and patterns of speech. This seems to me to bear looking into to find a correlation between tobacco targeting youth and low income neighborhoods, even countries as potential smokers and use of illicit drugs among the same population. Could tobacco be the infamous "gateway drug"?

After The Meeting

It was not until the N.A. Meeting was about over and they were going to say the serenity prayer that I finally felt a bond between the group, and they were quick to ask me to join the circle. I left not feeling as satisfied or at peace as I did from Al-Anon or A.A., but there was a member claiming 19 years sober, so something must be happening right there. I'd be interested in getting a hold on statistics showing attendance and successful long-term sobriety.

Reflections For The Clinical Counselor or Sponsor/Friend

The lessons I'd like to share are these:

• When dealing with an addict, especially a newcomer wishing to "clean up" be welcoming. Show genuine interest in them and their well-being.

• It is important to recognize that just like the addict, we need to surrender and realize we cannot save everybody. If you believe in a higher power, trust in it, and if you don't just realize sometimes you'll win and sometimes you will lose. How you respond to that is your responsibility, not whether this person drinks or gets high again. It is in doing this that we will find peace in our own attempts to help others.

• Always be practicing active listening skills. If you don't understand the first time, ask for clarification; don't make assumptions.

• To get anything out of counseling, groups or supportive individuals, a person has to want to change and get something out of it, otherwise it will be eyes rolling and clock watching instead of participation.

Link of interest:

http://www.recoveryinternet.com/NA/StepsTraditions.html

Need to find a meeting?

N.A. http://portaltools.na.org/portaltools/MeetingLoc/

Al-Anon http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html

A.A. http://www.aa.org/lang/en/meeting_finder.cfm?origpage=29

Sources:

M. Gittner, Personal Observation, Al-Anon, July 14, 2010

M. Gittner, Personal Observation, Alcoholics Anonymous, July 15, 2010

M. Gittner, Personal Observation, Narcotics Anonymous, July 15, 2010

N. Brown, PhD, Family Dynamics of Substance Abuse, University of South Carolina, Summer II semester, 2010.