Help for Physically and Verbally Abusive Teens

I can remember some of the fights I had with my dad when I was just seventeen. The things I said to him were ugly and hurtful. I verbally abused my dad because I was hurting and people who are hurting, hurt those around them. Kids, especially teenagers, are very easily drawn into this destructive pattern of being verbally abusive to those around them, especially their parents. In families, verbal or physical abuse of any kind is simply unacceptable.

Verbal or physical abuse is usually just an indication of a much larger problem in the life of your child. It is vital that parents develop a consistent and systematic method of dealing with problems and avoid simply ignoring these behaviors or just making excuses that their unacceptable behavior is just part of being a typical teenager. Parents who allow verbal or physical abuse to occur without consequences are sowing the seeds of their own destruction, and possibly the destruction of their teen.

Change Starts at Home With the Parents Self-Examination

If threats, intimidation, yelling, verbal or physical abuse are the typical way you raise your children, then just expect to get the same behavior back several times more intense. A parent does not have the luxury of doing one thing and saying another. Parents need to communicate, through their actions, that verbal or physical abuse of any sort is absolutely and always unacceptable. Parents should discipline and raise their kids in a loving, caring, but firm manner.

Perhaps it is time to re-evaluate your own behavior by asking your harshest critics - those closest to you. If you really don't think you are verbally abusive, ask your family, co-workers, and friends about your behavior. If there is any indication you may come across that way, make a change. The point is, you may be verbally or even physically abusive without actually realizing it so it's best to get a few more opinions. If you need to change, make the changes. Never expect your kids to act any differently than the way you act.

Time for a Productive, Problem-Solving Conversation

When teenagers become verbally or physically abusive, it;s time to have a serious heart-to-heart, come-to-Jesus conversation. Open, effective communication is always the key to any loving, successful relationship - always. Honest communication can only exist in an environment where total honesty is encouraged with no fear of negative or harsh reactions.

Here's how we do it at our house when someone is getting a bit upset and being abusive to other siblings. We wait for the situation to calm down, then we sit down with the abusive child and begin a calm conversation about what they can do the next time this happens. Ask the teen how they can handle this situation next time in a different way. How can it be handled so feelings are not hurt or tensions increased? Actually walk your teen through the situation and gently point out ways in which they might

When Talking Doesn't Work Anymore

When a teen becomes so abusive that destruction of property occurs, or there are threats of physical violence toward other family members, it is time to stop trying to handle it yourself and just call the police. If parents, siblings, or other family members do not feel safe with an abusive teen in the house, contact the authorities. This has become a situation where the abusive teen cannot be controlled. As a responsible parent, your teen needs to understand that you will enlist outside authorities to assist you in taking care of the situation. This sends a strong message to the out-of-control teen that you mean business.

Above all, make sure that you are honest with yourself and your problem teen. Sure, it's hard to admit there may be a problem with your child, but admitting there is a problem is the first step to getting help. Then start making some changes in the way you or your family acts toward one another. Always try and keep the lines of honest communication open with your teen and never give up hope.

Sources:

Empowering Parents.com, "When Kids Get Ugly: How to Stop Threats and Verbal Abuse"

HelpGuide.org, "Domestic Violence and Abuse"

TroubledWith.com, "Physical and Verbal Abuse"