Help with Potatoes, Part 3

The bedroom door was thrust open and immediately a prince and his entourage poured into the room. Safe inside the closet, John and Elizabeth communicated in whispers.

John: Who are these people?

Elizabeth: I believe they are associates of my husband

John: You mean the Supreme Commander of Husbandry?

Elizabeth: Yes, of course. He can't have gotten such a nice post without making a number of friends.

John: But such a strange lot of people they appear to be. And why are they in your house?

Elizabeth: I never really thought about that. I'm not sure.

John: You're not sure? How is it that you do not know? Have you never inquired of your husband?

Elizabeth: I suppose I never thought to ask it of him. Perhaps it wouldn't be such a burden. But then again, he does have a lot of work. Oh, he is a busy man.

John: Is the Supreme Commander of Husbandry aware of this crowd of people that comes into his bedroom to carouse and make licentious merriment?

Elizabeth: It would be best if he did not know. After all, he is a busy man.

John: So then why is it that we must be restricted to this closet?

Elizabeth: Because I am not to be in the house during the daytime. I am meant to be walking the town square in a whore's costume, refusing hungry men.

John: This is madness. Why would that be required of you?

Elizabeth: It is my husband's request. I know it may be unusual, but it makes him happy, and life is still luxurious to me.

John: All right, but what of these people? Why are they here?

Elizabeth: Actually, I don't know
John: But supposing that you told them to leave, would not that help our situation here?

Elizabeth: Well, there's a chance that they know my husband, and that they know what I'm supposed to be doing.

John: But do they know you? If they don't recognize you, couldn't we appear to be just wayfaring folk taking advantage of the Supreme Commander of Husbandry's house?

Elizabeth: That is a good point. Okay, quick. TAKE ME AWAY

Prince: Hello? Who is there?

John: It is I, John.

Prince: What are you doing in that closet, John?

John: I was about to take this woman out of the closet.

Elizabeth: It's true; I did ask to be taken away.

Prince: I suggest, John, that you do as you're told.

John: Very well, then. I'll go.

Prince: Good.

John: Wait a second.

Prince: What?

John: By what authority do you tell me to leave?

Prince: I am the Prince, of course. His Majesty the King sanctions me.

John: How do I know you're a prince?

Prince: Why should I condescend to speak to you if you are not a prince?

John: How do you know I'm not a prince?

Prince: Are you a prince?

John: Are you a prince?

Prince: I have an entourage, don't I?

John: Well if I had an entourage, would that make me a prince?

Prince: Where is your entourage, then?

Elizabeth: I am here

John: She is here.

Prince. I see. She is there indeed. It seems we are at an impasse.

John: What makes it an impasse?

Prince: Well, there's nowhere else to go.

John: But I still haven't gotten help with my potatoes

Prince: Oh, so you're going to leave Elizabeth at the mercy of her husband?

John: How do you know of the cruelty of the Supreme Commander of Husbandry?

Prince: I thought it was common knowledge. He is quite an ass.

Elizabeth: It's true; he is an ass.

Prince: She speaks! And in so doing confirms our beliefs. The Supreme Commander of Husbandry is an ass.

John: Then help me to save Elizabeth from this terrible ass.

Prince: Very well. It is done. My scribe has written a decree that the Supreme Commander of Husbandry shall be hanged at noon to-morrow.

Elizabeth: No! That's a little extreme, isn't it?

Prince: So you'd rather he return to your house and give you beatings?

Elizabeth: No, I'd rather he be beheaded. At least he wouldn't have to agonize through the experience.

Prince: Very well. So the Supreme Commander of Husbandry dies, and John, you take his place.

John: But I don't know anything about potatoes!

Prince: Don't you see? Knowledge of potatoes or farming isn't required in a post such as the Supreme Commander of Husbandry's. All you need is the ability to ask questions, and your troubles will be solved.

John: I'm astounded. (He is astounded). So, then, what am I to do about my potatoes?

Prince: How the fuck am I supposed to know?