Help for the Shy Person During a Christmas Party

Christmas is an amazing time of year. Lights go up, trees are decorated, people are more joyful and kind, and then the rounds of Christmas parties begin. If you are anything like me, the thought of Christmas parties sent me into a panic. While I loved being with my family, anything else just made me nervous.

Introverted people, or the "shy" ones, tend to steer clear of Christmas parties for one main reason: it is an unrestricted social environment. There is no frame for the social aspect. It is not work, so you do not really feel comfortable talking about work, it is not church, it is not family, etc. Shy people tend to do better in a structured social environment and Christmas parties do not necessarily promote that.

So if you struggle at parties, here is some help to get you through. And for those reading who are not shy, please take away from this a better understanding of your introverted counterpart and find ways to make them feel more comfortable.

1. Prepare

If you dread the holiday parties, knowing you will have to socialize, try preparing yourself ahead of time. Think about the things that worry you the most. Is it not knowing what to say to people? If so, think of some conversation starters. Most people respond well to questions so jump in with an open-ended one. Asking about their family or children gives them the opportunity to talk about a favorite topic and gives you the relief of having nothing more to do than be a good listener.

Another good way to ease into the socializing is to prepare your spouse or significant other before going. My husband is particularly good at working a party and I will stick close to him until I have had a chance to acclimate. He does not have to say anything to me but keeps the conversation with the other guests going until I feel comfortable enough to either join in or venture out to others.

If worse comes to worst, you can always pre-arrange an "out." Give yourself a time limit and offer your hosts an apology for an early departure with your excuse. I do not recommend it all the time, simply because you will get a reputation for being anti-social and you can damage potential friendships/work relationships.

2. Find Opportunities

You will probably make some hostess extremely happy if you volunteer to help out in the kitchen. Many hostesses find themselves stuck serving and unable to enjoy their own parties. Offer to help with organizing trays, pouring drinks, or picking up used plates. It will give you a focus and a structure in the social situation while making a fast friend in the party's host/hostess.

Another way to get more comfortable at the Christmas party is to find another shy person. If the other person has a hard time with conversation starters, offer your own. Find common ground with the other person if possible and use it to build on.

3. Relax

I know that the two hardest phrases for an introvert are "relax" and "have fun." Christmas parties are a time for that however, a shy person will have a much harder time relaxing. To us, relaxation comes from solitude. But try to enjoy the party. Allow the extroverts to shine and enjoy the food, conversation, etc. Sometimes you have to just jump in, hard as it may be, and try to join the group. The biggest fear introverts have to overcome is fear of rejection from their peers. If you can work through that and attempt open up to others, you may find yourself enjoying the party more.

Rest before you go. As a shy person, I realized a long time ago that I need more rest when going into or coming out of social situations. It can be very draining emotionally, in a way that many extroverts may not understand. Whereas extroverts draw energy from being around others, introverts feel drained of energy. So take the afternoon before the party and get some rest and down time in.

Keep your calendar reasonable. Go to some parties but do not be afraid to turn down others if your holiday calendar gets too crowded. My husband and I determine ahead of time which parties are important to go to and which we should go to only if we have time. If you overdo the party circuit, it can sour you on the Christmas holidays.

Remember that this is supposed to be a joyous time of year. Do not be afraid to limit yourself when needed, but also do not be afraid to jump in and work through the fears of going to a holiday party.