Help Your Tomboy Become a Lady

As a society we often divide young girls into two very stereotypical images from the time that they become old enough for their personalities to begin to emerge. These groups are the "girly girls" and the "tomboys". Now, stereotypically the girly girls enjoy all things girly from clothes to makeup, don't like to get dirty in any way shape or form, and love a good game of dolls or school. Whereas your tomboys can typically be found following their daddy, outside engaged in a sport, or up to their elbows in a mud puddle making mud pies for their friends. The girly girls tend to accept the changes in their bodies brought on by puberty during adolescence a lot easier than the tomboys, simply because they tend to welcome the changes to their physical appearance as making them even more girly, while the tomboys tend to fight it every step of the way. So, for the ones of you out there dealing with the tomboys, you may be wondering, is there any way for me to make this easier for her? The short answer is yes, there are ways to make it easier, and I am going to tell you how I went from being the personification of the stereotypical tomboy to being a confident woman with the help of my parents, and how you can enable your tomboy to do the same.

As is only natural, at some point your tomboy will hit adolescence and along with that puberty. This period in any young teens life is hard, but it can be especially hard on the girls deemed tomboys from an early age. Think about it, all of a sudden they have feelings that they are in a body that obviously belongs to a girl, they have been submerged into a seemingly endless supply of hormones that suddenly make them notice that the guy they have been playing soccer with for years is actually really cute, and to top it all off they get the ultimate insult and embarrassment of beginning menstruation. During this time, as parents, we have the opportunity to either make our daughters ashamed of who they are, or show them just how wonderful a woman they can become. If we begin pushing them to be all things girly, it is simply going to signify to them that they are not good enough the way that they are. However, we can choose to take up a supportive role, and let them know that being a girl does not preclude them from any of the activities that they have taken part in up to that point. Thankfully, most girls deemed tomboys are also endowed with a very competitive spirit. Instead of focusing on the down sides of them being a girl, help them see that this competitive spirit can and will serve them well. Wouldn't your daughter just love to see the look on the guy's faces when she kicked their butts in a basketball game even though she was obviously a girl?

One memory that I have from this stage in my life was when my mom finally caught on to the fact that every day when I left for school I was removing my bra and hiding it in my backpack. When my mom first found it, I expected yet another lecture on how I was a girl, and it was about time I started acting like one. Instead, she laughed. Then she told me that I could not change the fact that I was a girl and I was going to have boobs regardless of whether I chose to wear that bra or not, but that my breasts were actually a lot less noticeable when they were supported correctly beneath my clothes. I wore my bra from that day forward, after all I was all for anything that would make the changes going on with my body less obvious.

Let your daughter know, that it is okay to be girly and to enjoy all of her other activities too. After I adjusted to the fact that there was nothing I could do but accept the changes in my body, I started to get curious about things like makeup and hair. However, being the tomboy that I was there was no way I was going to admit it. I have since learned that confusion like mine is very common during adolescence, especially for a girl that is not particularly girly. Once again, be supportive in her efforts. Trust me when I say, my first attempts at makeup application left me looking like Tammy Faye Baker. However, once again it was mom to the rescue. She told me one day that she really liked my makeup, but she could show me a few tricks if I wanted her to. That opened the door for me to talk to her about the questions that I had, without having to become a "Barbie" for hours on end.

Now, you may wonder what a father's role in all this is. After all, the mom in the situation is probably going to deal with most of the physical changes. If your little girl was like most tomboys you were probably her role model throughout her childhood, and that does not have to change. Remember, she is still the same person that she always was, and treat her the same as you always have. Don't ignore the changes that are taking place though, compliment her when she makes an effort to look pretty, and remind her that she can still do anything she wants. I can remember my dad letting me go with him to the barn, and helping him with the crops with full makeup and "girly" clothes. I truly must have looked a sight, but it proved to me that he didn't see me as any different, and I truly didn't have to live up to any standard.

The truth of the matter is, tomboy or girly girl, adolescence is hard on everyone. However, the confusion in adolescence can be compounded for the girls who have always been considered one of the guys. As parents, the best thing that we can do is be supportive of who they are, be sure to keep the lines of communication open, and remind them that even tomboys can be girly if they want to be. Remind them of the fact that the same attributes that help them excel at sports, befriend the guys, and keep up with the guys in a game, are the very attributes that are going to push them ahead of the competition in every area of their life, and that doesn't change with being a girl.