Helping Your Child Deal with the Arrival of a Baby Brother or Sister

Parents, grandparents, and other family members often get so caught up in the excitement of the arrival of a new baby that the older child feels neglected or forgotten. These feelings can lead to resentment toward the new baby. Those feelings of "I was here first" can also lead to the older child acting out or misbehaving in an attempt to win back some of the attention. He may even refuse to have anything to do wth his new brother or sister.

Parents and grandparents can help prevent these problems by including the older child in their discussions and plans. Parents should ask the child how he feels and what he thinks about the new baby. Discuss the needs and the care the new baby will have to receive. Ask the child for his advice. You could ask him to help you decorate for his new brother or sister. Let him help pick out the baby's crib and toys. The most important thing is to include him. He needs to feel that he isn't being replaced.

Explain to the older child that this new baby will need his love and care very much. Talk about how important big brothers and sisters are. Let him know that you will be depending on him to help you care for the new baby. This will give him a sense of importance and a feeling of responsibility toward the new baby.

When the baby arrives, be sure to show big brother how to hold him properly. Answer his questions honestly and don't be afraid to let him help you with the baby. You can enlist his help with bathing the new baby and dressing him. You can let him feed the baby if it is bottle fed. Just stay close by in case he needs you. Who knows, you might even get him to change a diaper. But don't hold your breath on that one.

And when the baby takes a nap, take the time to spend with your older child. It doesn't have to be a big deal, maybe just watch a show with him, or play a game, or even read a story to him. The main idea is that he gets all your attention, at least for a while.

Keep your routines as normal as possible. If you always read him a story before bed, then continue this. If the baby cries, let Dad watch him. If that's not possible, bring the baby with you when you do your nightly ritual of tucking the new big brother in. Let the baby lie with him while you read the bedtime story. It might even become part of the ritual and help the bonding between the siblings.

Making the transition from being an only child to being big brother or sister is not always easy. Parents and grandparents can help make it a happy occasion by remembering to save time and attention for the older child. Take the time to play with him or talk with him. Don't give all the attention to the new baby. And before you know it, the baby will be big enough to play, and fight, with his beloved big brother.