Helping a Child Deal with Disappointment

As adults, we have come to realize things do not always go as planned. Children, on the other hand, have fewer life experiences and often, little disappointments get blown out of proportion. For that reason, helping kids put things in perspective isn't always effective. Instead, simply help them over the hurdle with some of the following ideas.

Whether your child is disappointed from not being included in a playground game, feels letdown because the tooth fairy "forgot" to leave a quarter, or experiences bigger disappointments, these ideas can help.

Get physical. Shake it off, literally. Stand up and shake arms and legs, feet, hands and twist around to get rid of bad feelings. Turn on music and dance, run around the outside of the house, or take a hike. It's best if they use their whole body; hitting a pillow can actually increase frustration.

Breathe. Taking extra deep breaths. Play a game where they kids blow a feather across a table, or blow through a straw to move a wadded up piece of paper around.

Heart to heart. Let them talk it out. Give them room to just express and process their emotions. Gently help guide them, but mainly just listen.

Play music. Some kids respond quickly to music. Figure out the music that makes them smile whether it is silly songs, classical or pop music. My oldest daughter really enjoys listening to Motown songs when she is feeling out of sorts, Aretha Franklin was regularly played throughout her early tween years!

Visual distractions. Look at something different, gazing at a lava lamp, or fish in an aquarium can help refocus and calm a frustrated child. Look out the window. I remember watching cars go by with my mom when I was four or five. We'd call out colors and talk about where the people might be going. "I spy" is a great game to help detach from bad emotions.

Get creative. Drawing pictures of their feelings is another way to process the disappointment. Write a letter to the offender. Children can dictate their thoughts to you so you can write it out, (letters do not have to be sent.) Make something in the kitchen like bread, or make something out of wood or clay.

Offer simple comfort. Give hugs, offer a warm bath (to wash away the disappointment) or share a snack. Use this sparingly, you don't want to teach your child to reach for a cookie every time they are irritated. Another idea, Mrs. Piggle Wiggle style, is to mix up a "magic potion." Adding an orange slice, or berries to a glass of sparkling water to make "happy juice," is a healthy way to change the atmosphere surrounding a disappointment.

Laugh it off. Read a silly book together. Watch a funny video or just make silly faces, or just "try on" different laughs. Laughing actually changes body chemistry and can help shake lingering bad feelings.

Every child is different and will respond differently to the above techniques. Life tends to provide plenty of opportunities to test out these life skills. By offering new coping ideas, you are helping them build an arsenal of ways to control their own emotions and this will serve them well throughout life.

More by Sylvie Branch:

Make seed bombs with the kids

Talking Ball

Pet School: A solution for bored kids and bored pets