Helping a Child Who Struggles with Transitions

Like my son, many children have difficulty transitioning from one activity, or situation to the next.

When a child seems "stuck" in the moment and not able to move on to the next thing, realize that what they're doing at that moment, is safe and predictable to them. It takes critical thinking and analyzing to get from one stage in life to the next.

Some changes in the way you, as the parent, approach this may help your child work through this difficult time. Having multiple children (like I do) or having small kids, may make some of these suggestions more challenging to implement, so think creatively or outside the box.

Set aside some time before an activity to discuss strategies with your child. Talk about how much time there is for a certain activity, before it even starts. Ask them how they would like you to let them know when the time is approaching to leave or move on to something else. Talk about how they will handle it when it's time to leave and ways you can make it easier. Discuss all the possible issues that may come up and brainstorm ways to cope with them.

Look for ways to continually connect with your child, even before the transitioning begins. Use eye contact, smiles, physical touch or a snack. Maintain this connection while you're in the process of transitioning. Look for signs that he/she may need your help with certain situations. that may make the transition later on even harder.

Do what you can to make transition easier. Avoid arguments by not giving sudden orders and directions. Before wanting them to transition, get into their world by talking to them about what they're doing or something they truly love. Keep that connection going and take it with you while you both move on to the next step.

Validating their feelings is an extremely valuable tool in helping them. Everyone wants to be understood and "heard", especially children. It lets them know that you're on their side. Tell them that you know how hard it must be for them to stop doing something they're enjoying. Resist brushing them off and making them feel like it's not important to you.

One of the things that helps my son is taking something of his (with him it's his yu-gi-oh cards) to help make the transition easier. Something that makes them feel safe so that it's easier to shift the focus away from the anxiety they feel, to something they love to think about.

Looking for natural transitions may also be helpful. Sometimes your child may be ready to transition, but not reading those signs could result in a meltdown. It's more productive to end peacefully after a short time, than trying to end during a meltdown after several hours.

Talk about something they can look forward to after the transition. If you're leaving to go home, talk about the fantastic things they can do when they get there. Have something set up before you leave home, so it's ready when for when they return. If you're going someplace else or on to a different activity, discuss the fun they'll have there.

Another thing that helps my son is when I keep the focus on the fun he had and I ask questions while we're moving from one stage to the next. It helps him shift from being upset about leaving, to keeping the good feeling with him longer. It's like that saying, "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened".

Trying just some of these suggestions, may be all it takes to help your child peacefully move from one thing to the next. Ultimately, it's up to you to make transitions as peaceful as possible for your child. Children learn from us and it's our job as parents to help them understand their world and their place in it.