Helping Your Children Deal with a Pet's Death

Losing a family pet can be quite traumatic for some children, and others may seem unaffected. Just like adults, children deal with death in different ways. The death of a pet may be their first exposure to death, and they probably will begin to ask questions that you may not be ready to answer. The most important thing to remember when dealing with the death of a pet is to take it seriously and do all you can to respect the feelings of your children.

We have lost several pets that have been a part of our family. Roger, our Beta fish was the first encounter with death for my then 3 year old son. Roger was two years old when I found him belly up in his bowl one morning. I quickly hid the fish bowl from my son and decided that it would be best to talk with him after preschool. All day I thought about what I would say to my son and prepared myself for the questions he would ask. I wanted to be ready to talk about death because I was sure that it would peak his curiosity. On the way home I explained that something happened to Roger and that he had died. I told my son that we could talk about how he was feeling and that I understood if he was sad because I was sad too. After about 30 seconds, my little three-year-old asked me a question that knocked me off my seat. He asked if we could cook Roger and eat him because that is what you do with fish. I composed myself and let him know that Roger was too small to eat and people usually don't eat their pets. I told him we could burry him in the backyard and my son said he wanted to flush him down the toilet since he lived in water. I think sometimes we want our children to deal with the issue of death our way when in fact they are already dealing.

Then there was Chewy, the sweet hamster. My son was so faithful to take care of Chewy and it was his first experience with really caring for a pet. He was five and Chewy slept in his room. That hamster kept my son awake for the first few nights as he was nocturnal and would run on his wheel all night long! Well, we are unsure what caused Chewy's death, but we found him lying in his cage six months later. I expected this to affect my son more than the fish and it did. We talked about Chewy and what we liked about him, found a nice wooden box to place him in, and then buried him in the back yard one rainy day. My son said a touching prayer for him and then five minutes later asked if he could get another hamster. It is important to follow your child's leading with the memorial and burial rituals.

Skittles was our second hamster. We figured that we'd give it another try. My son received a great new cage for him as a gift and about three weeks later we found Skittles lying on his side with some bedding in his mouth. We think he must have choked on it. Skittles was laid to rest in our back yard next to Chewy in much the same way.

Death will eventually be a topic that you need to discuss with your children. The death of a pet may happen sooner than you planned on talking with them. Be prepared to answer questions about human immortality since most children will think about this when a pet dies. I did talk to my son about this even though he never asked. I reassured him that although death will eventually come, his dad and I are here to take care of him right now and he need not worry. He told me that he was glad that we had talked. I smiled realizing that a more in depth conversation would follow one day.