Helping Children to Love Themselves

Most parents love their children whole-heartedly but some have problems with expressing it. While peers also influence a child's self esteem, there are things parents can do to give their offspring a firm foundation to base their self worth on.

What Damages a Child's Self Esteem

Society has two standards for measuring the worth of a child and these are beauty and intelligence. A child with physical defects or big ears or a bent nose is an instant target for negative attention. A low IQ will also set them up for mockery at school and this can be extremely damaging to their sense of self worth.

These false standards of worth and value are reinforced by television and magazines and the average child is bombarded daily by images of beauty, perfection and intelligence. If a parent constantly criticizes a child or tells them they were a mistake or that they are ruining their life, they are adding to the media influence and will inflict serious emotional damage on their child.

How Can Parents Help Children to Love Themselves

In the first decade of a child's life, their parents are extremely important to them. What they say and do helps to form the child's character and sense of self worth. If a parent is disappointed in a child because he or she is not clever enough or seems too timid or is not physically attractive, the parent needs to seek help to change their attitude. In most cases, a parent genuinely loves a child but may not hold them in high esteem. While love is essential, the value a parent sees in a child will have a great influence on how the child sees himself.

Three Ways for Parents to Build Self Esteem in their Children

Parents are not perfect and parenting is a skill that is learned by practical experience. Here are three ways that parents can help a child to feel valued and loved:

• Be careful of talking about a child in front of a child. If there are issues concerning academic ability, behavior or appearance, never discuss these in front of the child. Talk them over with a doctor, teacher or therapist and then bring the child into the picture if necessary.

• Pay focused attention to a child whenever possible and appropriate. Stop and show appreciation if they bring a drawing to show you or a pick a flower or wrap a marble for you.

• Guilt is part of parenting and adults frequently feel they have let their children down in various ways. This can include giving birth to a child that has a disability. It is important to put the guilt aside as far as possible and concentrate on providing a loving, secure environment for the child.

The world can be a cruel place and for children to grow up with a healthy sense of self worth and value, they need their parents to reinforce that they are loved and valued. While this can be a challenge at times, parents who consistently affirm their children are setting them up to succeed and be confident no matter what problems they face in life.

Reference:

The New Hide or Seek , Dr James Dobson, Revell, 2001