Helping an Elderly Loved One with Memory Loss Move

Once we noticed that our aunt's memory was beginning to fail in 1998, my sister and I became her caregivers. Through the efforts of relatives and paid help we were able to keep her in her own home until 2002. At this time it became obvious that it was dangerous for her to continue living independently. Moving our aunt from her home to assisted living was the most difficult part of our care-giving adventure. I have these tips to offer for anyone facing this very difficult and heart breaking task.

Early Preparation

Once you begin to notice that your loved one is neglecting either their own personal care or housekeeping, it is time to start discussing a move. After a year of caring for our aunt we started casually suggesting to our aunt that she may want to move to a smaller place. We would point out how nice it would be not to have to maintain a yard and house. Once she began agreeing with us, we took her to see an alternative living facility.

There are different levels of care facilities depending on a person's abilities. Independent living apartments are at the low end level of care facilities. In these facilities the resident has a choice of services available to them such as community meals, laundry service and transportation. The next level is assisted living where the resident has a room, all meals are provided and their health and hygiene are monitored by the staff. Nursing homes provide care for those unable, either physically or mentally, to care for themselves.

At this time we felt that assisted living was the appropriate level of care for our aunt. We arranged for our aunt to visit an assisted living facility. Her first impression of the place was good until she noticed that most of the residents were using walkers, canes or wheel chairs. She thought it was too much like a nursing home and she wasn't ready for that. My sister and I shelved the idea for a while but it was never far from our minds.

Tour Facilities

Without mentioning it to my aunt, my sister and I continued to check out some more facilities. This is very important in deciding on a place for your loved one to live out their remaining years. When visiting a facility look at the place through the eyes of your loved one. Is it clean, bright, cheery? Does it offer a variety of activities? Do the residents seem content and not bored? How does it smell? (That's a biggie). Sample the food. We finally decided on a place that was still under construction. It was in a location that was central to all family members so they could easily visit. We spoke with the head nurse and director of the facility and were impressed. Everything would be brand new; we thought this would be a selling point to our aunt.

By the time we decided on a facility our aunt was dangerously in need of supervised care. She had begun to wander and had gotten lost. Her memory loss had progressed beyond just forgetting where she had put her house keys. Whether she liked it or not, for her own safety my aunt needed to be in assisted living.

Moving Day

Although my aunt had toured her new living quarters and met with the staff, she did not grasp the fact that it was in her best interest to give up her home. This is nearly an impossible concept for someone with memory loss to comprehend. In their minds they still do everything for themselves so why would they need to go elsewhere. I don't know if it is possible to get them to understand that it is for their own good. The only thing you can do is to make the transition as easy as possible. When my aunt's moving day came, my sister and I had a plan. Our oldest sister and her husband took our aunt out for lunch. The rest of the family packed clothes, moved furniture and tried to make her new room look and feel as much like home as possible. Surrounding your loved one with familiar things in their new home is important. After lunch my aunt was brought to her new living quarters. After all the necessary paperwork was filled out and introductions made, my family and I, heavyhearted, left our aunt with an understanding staff.

Visit, Visit, Visit

I cannot stress enough how important visits are. It is a good idea to get to know the staff, especially the aides. The aides see your loved one everyday and are in charge of their care. They are the best source of information as to how your loved one is coping. Make your loved one's interests known to the staff and let them know who your loved one was before memory loss.

Most facilities have a hairdresser and barber available to the residents. Make sure your loved one has a regular appointment. I know it was important to my aunt to have her hair done weekly. Initially it may be necessary to go with your loved one to these appointments. My aunt was given a gift certificate for 20 visits to the hairdresser. At her first appointment she refused to allow the hairdresser to touch her because she was not her regular hairdresser. Upon hearing this, my sister and I went with her the following week and she was fine after that.

Be conscious of what is going on with your loved one and be persistent about care. The family has to advocate for the resident at all times. My sister and I noticed a sore on our aunt's cheek. After mentioning it to the nurse in charge, we were told that my aunt picked at it. The sore did not heal and seemed to grow. After six months the nurse suggested that we take my aunt to a dermatologist. The sore was per-cancerous and needed to be removed. The dermatologist scolded my sister and me for not bringing my aunt in sooner. He emphasized how important it is for the family to be the ones to look out for the loved one's best interests.

Visit, visit, visit also because your loved one needs to know that he or she is not forgotten. You are the only remaining link to the life they once had. A visit will help make this very difficult move a little easier for both you and your loved one.

Sources: Personal experienced

http://www.stronghealth.com/services/seniors/Caring/levelsofcare.cfm