Helping a Friend Cope with Drugs

Q: A family member of mine recently graduated from high school. She has struggled all through high school in and out of class, but she finally made it. I'm excited that she was successful despite all her troubles, but after her graduation party I am really worried and confused.

During her party she didn't talk to any of the adults or guests that were not her close friends from school. After a short time she left with her close friends and went for a walk. Her mother joked that she was at the park getting high. When she and her friends returned they devoured everything in sight and were very verbally and physically abusive to others. Most of us party guests were upset and hurt. Her mother just joked about them having the munchies and laughed it off as nothing to worry about. "She'll just grow out of it."

I wanted to give my cousin tickets to a concert that we both have wanted to see, but now I'm not sure if I want to go with someone who likes to do drugs (I've never tried any) and who is supported in this risky behavior by her parents! What should I do?

A: First of all, know that you are a very special person to care about your family like this. Many parents today grew up in the 60's and 70's where recreational drugs were very common. These parents are projecting to their children that it is okay to do drugs so long as they stay home and keep it controlled. The biggest difference is that the last couple of decades drugs have been mixed with many other chemicals to "improve" the high you get. Therefore, the "harmless" activity of the 60's is now a thousand-fold more risky today.

Part of your cousin's problem getting through high school is because of this drug addiction. If you are as close as you indicate then you shouldn't hesitate to speak to her about the addiction. She will balk at first, I mean her mother thinks it is funny and that doesn't help the situation any. Try to get her into counseling, talk to your school counselors yourself for advice, and when all else fails (as it is very likely to) just continue to be a friend - without the drugs - and be there when she crashes. Try not to say "I told you so" but point out how much fun you have without the drugs and how her problems are stemming from the drug use. It sounds like a cliché, but it is true, and it does work if you stick with it.

Also, keep your date for the concert. You want to go anyway so if she brings drugs you don't want to deal with you politely turn them down and show her how much fun it is without being high!

Thought for the day: Actions speak louder than words.