Helping a Loved One Through Loss

One of the few things that can be harder than dealing with loss yourself, is helping a loved one through loss. What do you say to a younger sister who lost her mother? To a father who lost a wife? What do you say to the friend who lost a grand-father? What can you say in the face of everything that's happened to them, and the feeling of aching loss that fills them up.

Ill tell you the truth. It isn't easy to do. In many ways it's a lot harder than dealing with loss yourself, everyone grieves in a different way so it's almost impossibly difficult to know everything that will "set them off". The thing is, you shouldn't treat them like fragile glass. That is no way to continue to live.

That might sound a bit harsh at first, after what they've been through, but let me explain. I'm not saying to be cold and callous, I'm just saying don't treat them like they're made of porcelain or something delicate. They need to be helped through loss, and even if they are children going through the pain of grief isn't something you can be shielded from, only dealt with.

When going through my mother's death many friends pulled away because I pulled away from them. This is something important to remember when dealing with a loved one whose lost. They will pull away into themselves, or change and try to escape it all. You can't let them lose you.

When someone you care for dies the entire world is changed. There is a person that was, that no longer is and never will be again. Someone that had advice and held hands and cried with them when they were in pain and held them close.

What is important to remember, what is vital to remember about helping a loved one through loss, is that they need you. It might not seem like it, they might even say they don't. Why would they not? Someone they loved and needed just died and it fills them up with pain. It's often tempting to not need anyone again, or to drive the world away so the pain might just quiet a little.

Everyone's grief is different except this. Everyone needs their loved ones there. Some will need you to talk, some just to hold their hand, some to laugh with you or for you to simply sit and be there but there is always a need no matter how they try to drive you away.

Believe me, I know. I tried to drive so many people away and the people that stuck close, that would not let me, they helped me heal more than I can ever thank them for.