Helping Your Spouse Deal with the Death of a Loved One

Everyone must face the death of a loved one at some time or another. It is very hard to watch someone, especially a spouse, mourn the death of a parent. Here are a few tips of how to help them cope with their grief. When my husband's mother passed away in December of 2004 it was an extremely hard time for my husband. Although she had been sick and was not expected to make it, it still struck my husband like a freight train.

The morning we got the call was a cold and blustery day. Now we knew that call would be coming just not when. At first my husband did not cry and stayed fairly calm. When it finally sunk in it hit him hard.

Of course, I loved my mother-in-law with my heart and it hurt me also. But I knew that was a time when I was the one who needed to be the strong one.

One of the best things you can do for your spouse in this situation is to let them have some room. Most people say that to be around family and friends is the best thing in the world, but not necessarily. Sometimes men are just too "macho" to cry in front of others. Therefore, they need room to cry when (they think) no one is watching.

For goodness sake please do not go around telling them to cry so they will feel better. This not only gets annoying to the person but also can make them irritated at you. That is not what they need at that moment. They will cry in their own time, I promise.

People have very different ways of grieving in the event of a death. Let them do it their own way. Some people actually like to tell funny stories about the person who has passed away. Do not stop them. Some people do not like to talk at all. Do not make them. Simply sit with them and hold their hand (if that is what they want).

All people are also different in the length they grieve after a death. For my husband it was about a month before he started getting what I considered back to normal. And to be honest, that is about the right length of time for almost anyone. Now if you find yourself in a situation where the surviving person keeps getting worse (i.e. depressed) then you may need to intervene here. You may even need to get them to a professional for help.

Some people turn themselves so "inside out" that they just completely stop talking about their loved one all together. This is not healthy or normal. If they seem to not be talking at all about them, especially after about a week, start asking them questions and talking to them about their loved one. If they seem like they do not want to talk about them, again, you may need to have a professional talk to them. Keeping it bottled up is the worst thing in the world for anyone. And yes that includes all the men out there!

So many people will say "If there is anything I can do just let me know." This is very kind and considerate but not the best thing to say. Think about it this way, there is nothing that anyone can really do. Therefore, the best thing to say is "I am here for you if you need to talk or cry." Sometimes saying nothing and just giving them a hug is the best thing in the world to do.

Thus, everyone has to deal with grief in different ways. The best thing a spouse can do is be there and be supportive. However, do not try to force them to cry or talk. Let them have their room but always stay close and have a hug ready.

Source:

Personal experience