Helping Teenagers Survive the Difficult Years

The teen years are some of the most difficult years in growth process. We've all been there, but as society changes, so do the hurdles faced in the quest to become an adult. So, how does a parent deal with an obstinate teenager and still keep his or her sanity?

What are They Thinking?

Teenagers are in the difficult phase between childhood and adulthood. They are striving to live as adults, but they often lack the maturity necessary to make substantive decisions on their own. It is a well-known fact that teenagers think they know it all. This isn't true for all teenagers, but the vast majority won't listen to the advice of their parents or family. They rely on the advice of friends and others in their peer group who also lack experience and maturity. As a result, teenagers learn the most vital and often the most difficult lessons by trial and error. In other words, they must learn the hard way.

Curfews and Consequences

Although a teenager is old enough to take care of their most basic needs, they still require guidance. They need rules to follow in order to stay in control, safe, and sometimes out of trouble.

It's important to know where your teenager is going, even if he or she appears to be responsible. As a parent you have a right to know where your teen is spending his or her time. Convey to your teen that everyone, even adults, should let someone know where they are going and when they plan on returning. This is important for safety reasons, and it's common courtesy.

Even if your teenager is 18 years of age, set a curfew. Making an acceptable deadline for returning home shows you care where your teen is as well as what they are doing. Make it clear what the consequences will be if he or she is late, and what is most important, stick to your guns. If you set a curfew and don't follow through, your teen will realize he or she can get away with breaking the rules.

Manners and Feelings

When your teen was a toddler, you hopefully began teaching him or her manners. Your child should have learned the importance of saying "please," "thank-you," "you're welcome," and "I'm sorry." They should have been made aware of the importance of treating others in a way they would like to be treated. The lessons regarding manners and feelings do not end in the prepubescent years. It's important to continue stressing the importance of manners and the consideration of the feelings of others. This will help mold them into compassionate, caring adults.

As an adult, it's important to talk to others, as well as your teen, in a manner in which you would like to be spoken to. Stop and think before you rudely make demands. You can in fact win more bees with honey than you can with vinegar. If you want to your teen to speak to you and others in a respectful manner, you must set good examples. As an adult, you deserve respect, but your teen does too. Speak to your teen in a respectful manner, and chances are he or she will return that respect. A rude parent produces rude offspring.

Don't allow your teen to speak rudely to you or talk back in a disrespectful way. Disrespectful banter with adults is also inappropriate. If your teen is allowed to berate you, even in a joking way, he or she won't realize what is and isn't acceptable. He or she will eventually cross the line and won't understand why all of a sudden you have a problem with it. Not only that, other adults won't find that type of behavior amusing.

Anger Management

If your teen seems to have an anger problem, don't wait until it escalates and becomes violent. Don't sit back and hope things change. To save your teen, your family, and your sanity, get outside help immediately. Start by speaking with your family physician. Each individual situation is different, and there are no clear-cut answers. Your physician will be able to refer you to a professional counselor who can help get to the root of the problem.

Decisions, Decisions

Within reason, let your teen make his or her own decisions. If everything always went the way we wanted, what would we learn from that? Many lessons can only be learned the hard way. Even as adults we still make mistakes and hopefully learn from them. Every lesson your teen learns will help them develop into the adult they are destined to be, so give them wings and let them begin their departure from the nest. Stay nearby and you'll be able to guide them down the right paths.

No matter how old a child is, even if he or she is an adult, a good parent never stops caring. It's important to make yourself available to your teen. Let him or her know you can be counted on to help them through any hard times and you will love them no matter what. The teen years are difficult years, but your parents survived, and so can you.