Helping Tween Siblings Adjust to a New Baby

Having a new baby in the house is an adjustment for everyone, especially for siblings who may now feel excluded. And when the siblings are "tween-aged" or between the ages of 9 and 12, adjusting to a new baby is especially rough.

Tween-aged siblings find that a new baby in the house is not always a barrel of laughs. A new baby means sleepless nights, which can affect school performance and Mom or Dad's disposition. New babies also mean an increased demand on parents' time, resulting in more chores for the older kids and less family time for everyone.

When our last child was born, our tween-aged sons had some rough going there for a bit. Our youngest son was particularly resentful of his new baby sister, because he felt displaced. Does this scenario sounds familiar? Chin up! We figured out how to make it work with our family; these tips may help you as well.

1. Make moving fun. A new baby in the house usually means a little bedroom shuffling as parents prepare for the new arrival. Part of helping tweens adjust to a new baby means a little pre-setting the stage so they won't feel displaced once the baby arrives.

For tween-aged kids having to be displaced out of their old rooms to accommodate a new baby, the move should be fun for their sake. One way to make moving fun is to give your tween a modest redecorating budget so he or she can repaint his or her room, hang new pictures and even add a new piece of furniture. By giving a tween a little something for the new bedroom, the older sibling won't feel so resentful in having to move out of his or her room for the baby.

2. Involve the tweens in the baby's care as soon as possible. Depending on the ability of your tweens, involving them in some aspect of a new baby's care can also help make the adjustment a little easier. At our house, the older siblings helped with feedings and diaper changes, while the younger one's job was keeping the baby entertained so Mom could catch a nap or catch up on chores. With everyone pitching in equally to help with the new baby, the family became a team with a common goal.

3. Keep to your normal schedule. Tweens and teens have scheduled activities such as school, sports, music and social time with their friends. To avoid feelings of resentment towards the baby, we discovered that keeping to a normal schedule was important in making this adjustment period work. The baby's feeding schedule was adjusted to accommodate sports practices and games, which went far in making the tweens feel more kindly towards their baby sis'.

4. Schedule family time without the baby. Just like parents need a break from a newborn, families also need a break. For the first couple of years after our baby was born, we'd hire a babysitter so our family could go to the movies, concerts or out to dinner just like always. Our tweens appreciated having Mom and Dad to themselves, which also helps mitigate any resentment.

When it comes to adjusting to a new baby, tween-aged siblings tend to have it a bit rougher time of it than younger children. Making concessions to their emotional needs will help remove any feelings of resentment by continuing to make them feel valued and important, even with a new baby in the house.