Her First Period: How to Talk with Your Preteen Girl About Menstruation

When should you talk to your daughter about what to expect with her first period? How do you do it without scaring or embarrassing her? How do you approach the awkward subject of your preteen girl's first period and help her to be prepared?

I'm a youth worker and have been involved with preteens and teens for over fifteen years and have counseled them on everything from clothing and personal hygiene to puberty and teenage pregnancy. A great number of questions and concerns that come up with preteen and teen girls involve their periods and puberty. There have also been several times when young girls have come crying to me because their first period started, and they knew so little about what was happening that they thought something was seriously wrong with them. Yes, in a day and age when sex is so prevalent in the media, there are still preteen and teen girls who don't learn the details about menstruation until it happens to them. Sadly, although every girl experiences these physical changes, many are confused and unprepared simply because no one talks to them about what to expect. So how do you approach the uncomfortable topic of her first period with your daughter and help her to be prepared?

Start talking to your daughter about puberty and periods at early age, and talk to her often. Quite frankly, if you wait until after a girl gets her first period to explain it to her, it is too late to prepare her. She needs to know what to expect before it happens to her. A girl's first period can happen anytime after puberty has begun but generally occurs between the ages of 10 and 13. Menstruation can occur sooner or later than you expect, so begin age-appropriate talks about puberty and periods when your daughter is 8 or 9. Instead of discussing everything in one planned sit-down, I take advantage of small issues that arise to talk to my preteen about the changes she's experiencing in her body. It's less intimidating for her and reminds her I'm available and willing to answer her questions.

Be prepared and willing to initiate conversations with your preteen girl about her period. The mere thought of talking to parents about topics like puberty, periods, pregnancy, and sex is often embarrassing for kids, especially for preteen girls. Don't wait for her to come to you. She may not. Instead, bring up the subject when the two of you are alone. Open-ended questions - questions that require more than a short yes or no answer - work well to get discussions going with kids. If you're unsure what to say, do a little research about menstruation ahead of time, but don't stress about getting too technical. Of course, she should learn why girls get periods, but she will most likely be more concerned about how it will affect her.

Offer your daughter practical information and guidance. Simply handing her a book or video about menstruation may teach her about ovulation and why girls get periods, but it won't provide her the practical details she needs to know. Teach her the difference between sanitary pads and tampons, how to use them, and the proper way to dispose of them. Talk about ways to deal with cramps and crankiness associated with her period. Give suggestions on what she should do if her period starts when she's away from home and isn't prepared. My experience with preteen girls has shown that they're curious about what will happen, what periods and menstrual cramps feel like, and what they need to do when their periods start.

Provide tools to prepare your daughter for her period. In addition to knowing what to expect and learning what to do when menstruation begins, girls also need to have the necessary supplies to be ready. Since there is no set timeframe for when a girl's first period will occur, it's best for all girls in puberty to be prepared. Allow your preteen daughter to carry a couple sanitary napkins or tampons in her backpack or purse. Remind her that most women's restrooms also have coin-operated dispenser and encourage her to keep a few coins stashed in her pocket or purse. Preteen girls that have lockers at school can also easily fit a small bag with a change of pants, underwear, and a few sanitary pads, just in case their first period starts at school.

Even after a girl's first period starts, it is not uncommon for cycles to be irregular and unpredictable for the first year. You can help her be better prepared and prevent most embarrassing accidents by teaching her how to use a calendar to track and predict her periods.

Transitioning from a little girl to a young woman is a challenging time in a girl's life. I'm often reminded as I raise my own preteen daughter that it can also be a trying time for parents. It's sometimes difficult to know the best words to say or actions to take that will help her the most. That can change as frequently as her moods. The most important step you can take to prepare your preteen daughter for first period, puberty, and the impending teenage years is to let her know you're available to talk, listen, or answer questions when she needs you.

Read more from this contributor:
Communication-Building Activity for Parents and Children
Kids and Respect: Candid Words from a Youth Worker
What Yoga Has Taught Me About Parenting