Here She Comes, Miss Narcissism: Tyra Banks

She was once a fairly successful model, known in the industry for her diva-like behavior and alarmingly high forehead. Since most modeling careers conclude at the tender age of 30 or younger, Tyra Banks has moved on to a highly lucrative new life in the entertainment industry as the creator and host of a wildly popular talk show and model search show, a reality show now in its tenth season, whose purpose is to select what Banks and a rotating panel of judges deem the "next" top female fashion model. The talk shows moderated by, of course, Banks, and deal mainly with what the industry loves: hot button topics designed to make guests cry and blurt out far too much personal information live, on air. The steamier and darker the topic, the messier, more controversial show: adjectives that describe Banks herself.

I would not want to run into Banks in a dark alley, nor would I care to cross paths with her in broad daylight on Fifth Avenue either. She is one tough old broad. By her mannerisms, the way that she interacts with guests, her staff and audience members alike, gives true witness that she not only does not suffer fools gladly, she doesn't much 'suffer' anyone other than herself. Given a compliment on air, she melts into a puddle of instant gratification. It is, after all, named after the woman who selects the subject matter, the guests, and the outcome of each show itself.

Like any diva - and she is a true, iconic diva - Banks seems totally unaware of how she presents to an audience and to others. (Who is going to tell Banks that she's a self-centered moron whose glory days, such as they were, are far behind her? Not me. I don't much like physical pain and/or scathing cheap shots.) I would imagine that if you were to mention the likes of African American superstar models, past and current, - Iman, Naomi Campbell, the young woman who currently models under the pseudonym Chanel Iman, to name just a few - we could literally watch her blood pressure rise and the veins in that high forehead pop. It's Tyra Time all the time, every day.

Her talk show is of the Jerry Spring variety: young girls who became pregnant at 15, who strip for a living, who have eating disorders, suffer from obesity, have strong parental issues. It's a fascinating show to watch: if the guest has managed to compose herself for much of the interview, Banks goes for the jugular, asking incredibly personal, pointed statements that would bring anyone to the brink, especially adolescents writhing in the Tyra hot seat under bright lights. When this happens, Tyra puts on her 'concerned' face, which consists of pursing her lips and furrowing her brow. (Considering how much Botox and lifts that Banks has had, it's pretty much a miracle that she can move any facial features at all.) Banks will probe - and probe, and probe - an interviewee until someone is literally in tears. Often I've thought that included audience members and those watching the show, those of us who have been particularly surprised by Bank's cheap shots: how low will she go to break a guest?) Watching her shows is like watching a car wreck: you're so fascinated that, as much as you know you shouldn't, you can't help but watch. What is most amazing - and always a given, a constant - is that Tyra will bring the conversation - whether it's an unwed pregnancy, drug use, body image issues, obesity, incest, whatever - back to herself. She always, always finds a way to interject a personal experience or anecdote, literally ripping the spotlight from a sobbing woman right back to herself. If a guest is hesitant, shy or uncomfortable with Banks' probing questions, Banks' disgust with that guest is clearly visible.

The model search show was originally a clever, intriguing concept: a dozen girls whittled down from literally thousands who had auditioned for a spot in the limelight, pitted against each other in the race to win the title. (Correct me if I'm wrong, but the very first winner was a pretty brunette who went on to marry a washed-up, alcohol dependent former child star, and used part of her cash winnings to get breast implants that were seriously defective and caused her health issues. She ended up with a little reality show of her own as she struggled to hold on to her fifteen minutes of fame and possibly doomed from the start marriage. Wow, where can my own daughters sign up??!!)

Each season of the model search took the contestants to a different part of the world, which was, in my opinion, the best thing about the show: Brazil, Paris, London, Japan. Each week, contestants had to meet some pretty over the top 'challenges' in order to emerge the winner of that week's show and to continue on; the girl who fared the worst in the challenge was usually sent packing (in very dramatic fashion: we got the exceptionally touching opportunity of watching an emotionally devastated kid, smeared make up, tears running down her face, embracing her fellow contestants for one last time, before departing, luggage in tow.) Note that I said 'usually'. Some contestants, we found out later as the show progressed, were - like any reality show - kept on despite horrible, awful, really bad challenge results because they a) were fan favorites, b) Tyra took a particular liking to them for God knows what reason, or c) added immense drama to the contestant pool. The challenges themselves got goofier over time: girls suspended on ropes in frigid canals, lots of nude photo shoots (which pretty much eliminated any girls with either morals, an IQ over 90, or any sense of self-esteem), the campier the photo shoots, the better. After all, after a decade of shows, there are just so many types of photo shoots - legitimate or not - that one can come up with.

But I digress from Tyra's narcissistic, blatant love affair with herself. Messages to model search contestants were sent via something called Tyra Mail; photos of Tyra herself filled the walls of contestants' apartments; Tyra took particular delight in showing up a contestant by demonstrating (agonizing! painful to watch!) how she, Tyra, would have done a particular shoot. She took visible delight in making all of the girls uncomfortable and squirming in her presence. While she wore wigs and weaves and outfits apparently designed especially for her by former circus costume designers, she felt she was the ultimate judge and jury - despite other judges on the show - as to how each girl dressed and presented herself. (Bear in mind: nearly ALL of her female judges on the model search show departed, some fed up with Banks' behaviour, others unwillingly cut because they were prettier/younger/wittier than Banks, who cannot stand not being the center of attention. The still drop dead gorgeous Paulina Porzokova, wife of musician Ric Ocasek of The Cars, was dumped without no notice other than a press release; was it because she was more beautiful than Banks had ever been, and was well-liked and respected by viewers and the other judges? Again, it's all about Tyra.)

But most disturbing is her conduct on her talk shows. No matter how much genuine pain, suffering and humiliation her guests were undergoing live, in front of a television audience, Banks always manages to bring the focus of attention back - on herself. She is shameless when it comes to eliciting audience ooooh's and ahhh's from audience members, whether she's showing off how toned she's recently become, how much weight she's lost, what 'beauty tips' have worked for her. In the end, everything always comes back to Tyra. It's too bad that Mother Theresa is no longer with us; I would have loved to have seen Tyra make a saintly old nun cry because of her lack of sexual prowess, her dowdy old nun's habit, Banks' not so subtle suggestion that Theresa consider dental implants, and why she feels it is SO damned important to be on the streets helping the less fortunate in India, when there are starving children in Burbank? Did Mother's parents treat her so badly as a child that she felt this subconscious, hidden need to ignore perky beauty tricks and hang out with beggars and orphans?

If you want a good laugh for all of the wrong reasons, watch Banks' shows. If you want an uplifting, fun, makes you wanna dance experience instead, turn the channel to Ellen DeGeneres...she's a far more beautiful woman and person than Banks could ever hope to be.