Herschel Walker's Battle with D.I.D. And Suicidal Thoughts

Former NFL star Herschel Walker has recently published a book, "Breaking Free," that reveals his struggle with Dissociative Identity Disorder. If this sounds like a new disorder, it isn't. It's the new name for what was once known as multiple personality disorder.

In an interview with ABC News explains in his book that the person he was on a football field was literally not the person he was outside of the game. In fact, Walker had several alternate personalities, known as alters. After retiring from the NFL, Walker dealt with memory loss, a symptom of D.I.D. Because other personalities are the ones taking action, he often cannot remember things he has said or done.

Walker also began to have suicidal thoughts, and even found him self playing Russian roulette with a loaded gun.

Suicidal thoughts are a scary symptom to live with, and something I am very familiar with. From the age of 13 I suffered from major depressive disorder, general anxiety disorder, and I self-injured. I was not diagnosed, however, until I was 17 and forced into treatment by a school counselor.

Later at 18, I developed and was diagnosed with anorexia.

These issues were a huge burden for my young mind. To be dealing with not just one but many mental illnesses at the same time was stressful and chaotic. I felt alone and scared, especially at a time when I was looking for acceptance from my peers and family. Instead, when they learned of my illness I was treated differently and looked at as if I were insane.

The feeling of isolation that suffering from a mental illness can bring was too much for me to bear. I often spent days wishing I would be in an accident crossing the street or that I just wouldn't wake up the next morning. I often researched ways to commit suicide and contemplated which ones would be easiest.

The anorexia brought those feelings on even stronger. It was excruciating to live with the thoughts of calories, food and exercise every single day and feeling that I could not control them. I felt always unhappy with my body, no matter how much weight I lost, and suicide seemed an easy way to stop all of the madness that was going on in my head.

Fortunately, after a few failed attempts at therapy I found a team that worked. I saw a therapist twice a week, a nutritionist once a week, and a psychiatrist once a month for medication. I was on and off several medications, but ended up with Effexor for about a year and a half. My therapist touched on all issues, not solely on the anorexia, and I formed a great bond with her.

Treatment was not easy. It required me to drop classes and become a part time student for that particular semester and to really focus on getting myself well. I went to cognitive therapy, so I had "homework", times when I had to deal with food, my self-injury or with anxiety ridden situations and report back. I had to really be willing and able to fix things and not expect others to do it for me.

As of now, I still struggle with all of these mental illnesses every day, but to a lesser degree than I did when I was younger. I'm also proud to say that I haven't had a single suicidal thought in over 2 years.

For those who are feeling suicidal, the important thing is to make the effort to get help. You have to believe that there is another way to deal with the issues that are driving you to feel this way. It will take time and it will be hard but a life worth living starts with making a change. Each and every day is worth it.