Hey Baldy, Shave Your Head! Beat Nature to the Punch

When I was 19, my hairdresser, for whom tact wasn't a strong suit, said, "You're getting a bald patch up here."

As someone who always associated baldness with older supporting characters in sitcoms, I immediately went into denial mode. "That's just a natural gap in my scalp," I said, "been there all my life."

Secretly, I cringed. Was I getting older? This was followed soon after by my first bits of gray hair, a couple of stray hairs sprouting out of my back, and some hairs peeking out of my nostrils. My God! I was turning into an old man before I was old enough to drink.

Fast forward 16 years. My ever widening bald spot was now no longer convincingly covered by the hair bridge I'd combed over it. A good strong wind would make me look like JFK in Dallas. I'd had enough.

Despite the protests of my wife and mother, I went ahead and got a very short crew cut.

It wasn't half bad. My enormous head didn't look too bad with all the hair gone, and when it grew back in, it was certainly more pleasing with a real bald spot than with hair flap hanging off the right side.

For awhile I decided to let professionals shave my head every three or four weeks. The decision to let a professional do it stemmed from the first time I tried to use clippers on my own head. I wound up looking like the victim of a mugging. Luckly I found a salon open late that was able to put my head in a more presentable shape. After they stopped laughing, that is.

After about a year of having hair like Gavin MacLeod, I decided it was time to shave it completely down. With the disastrous experience of cutting my own hair fresh in my mind, I decided to have the professionals give me one last cut. They cut it as short as they could, and I went to Wal-Mart to buy the tools I thought I would need for my own future as Mr. Clean's stylist. I bought an 8 pack of disposable Schick Extreme 3 Razors, and a Remington 650 rechargable razor.

The first attempt was interesting. I decided just to try the disposables on my first outing. Because I'd let the hair grow a bit, this made it a chore. I spent about 20 minutes in the shower just trying to get every nook and cranny of my head. Some people I know who shave their head use a mirror. I decided to use my left hand as a feeler and the right to do the shaving. If my left hand felt stubble or worse, the right was right behind to take off the hair. This led to a few embarrassing incidents where I shaved my left hand, and in one gross instance, I shaved part of a finger nail.

Since then, I have managed to get in a routine. I use the Remington 650 both to maintain my bald look and to trim it down when I've been lazy for a few days. I then go over it with the disposable razor to get my head nice and smooth. It isn't hard to do, and typically has less pain and irritation than shaving my face.

Some helpful hints for shaving your head:

Make Sure Your Rechargable Razor has a Full Charge or is Plugged In

For longer hairs, a slow spinning rechargable razor doesn't cut as much as it pulls.

Use a Flexible Blade Razor With A Lubricated Strip

I've never used a razor that didn't contour to the shape of my head, so I can't say this is definative advice, but the flexible razors are easy to use on your head and I've only ever had one bad cut to my head using them.

Give Your Head a Once Over When You Are Done

There is nothing like getting to work and discovering that I missed a nice inch long spot of hair. It's hard to convince people that a little swoosh of hair behind your right ear is a fashion statement or the result of radiation from your Bluetooth headset.

Shave In The Shower

I shave in the shower and it makes life much easier. The water works better than shaving cream and doesn't need to be washed off. All of the little hairs disappear down the drain.

Wear a Hat

You don't want a sunburn on your head. EVER!