Hey God! It's Me Gail. NOT JOB!!

As I was driving home yesterday from an intense workout I heard a woman on the radio talking about a pending foreclosure on her home. I thought, "Girl, I know the feeling." Just last year I signed my papers for a chapter 11 bankruptcy and gave my home back to the mortgage company. Three years of unemployment had taken its toll.

As the woman continued her story she talked about how she was panic stricken with the thought of losing her home and how she continually asked family and friends if it were her fault. She stated that many told her it wasn't. The newscaster went on to talk about a failing economy, loss jobs and many loss homes. I did not feel relieved that I was not the only one going through a bad patch. But I did feel really bad knowing that my patch (that began in 2001) has now spiraled into a 75 acre field.

When I got home I decided to write something heartfelt and reassuring to those who have been dealing with the effects of job and home loss. I wanted everyone to know that our numbers are (sadly) large. But that if we keep on being positive and working hard toward our recovery it would be all right.

As I pressed the button on my computer I realized I was not hearing that familiar buzz that comes with a working PC. I stopped, looked and notice the light was not on. I looked around and saw the clock read 6:17. What I didn't clue in on was that it was my manual clock from IKEA I was looking at. Once the reality of manual versus electronic processed in my head, I looked at the clock on the stove and saw a black strip where time should be. "What the f*&^?" is what I thought. Then I calmed down and realized we could have been having a power outage. We had one last week so it wasn't that big of a deal. I knew I hadn't been able to pay my electricity bill in full, but I did make a major payment on it.

I called my electric company and spoke with a really nice guy name "Jason". Jason informed me that my service had been interrupted for a pass due amount of $121. Jason said, "If you pay that before midnight your service will be restored without fees." I spared Jason my story on bouncing back but I did ask him if they were hiring part-time. Luckily I still have a cell phone. So if the sweltering heat gets too high I will be able to dial 911 and get some help.

How can anyone be so upbeat in the midst of losing their electricity you ask? Well, it's simple; for me. I work near a shelter. I know someone does not have electricity, a home, clean clothes or the safety of personal space. No, I am not happy with the situation, but I know it could be worst. Heck, prior to me moving out of my home I hadn't had running water for literally 40 days.

On the evening of my 40^th birthday the water in my home had been turned off. I took that in stride too. I still had my home and was using every dime I had to make mortgage payments so some things feel through the crack. The water bill was one of them. About 15 days after my 40^th birthday the home phone was turned off. I still had my cell phone so I didn't worry. I did worry about sleeping with windows open because the area behind my home was a wooden area and a serial killers dream.

During my 40 day and 40 night adventure without water and a home phone I realized the only thing to eat in my pantry was oatmeal and rice; things that need water to cook them correctly.

The madness of my bouncing back, on occasion, reminds me of the story of Job - Job being a faithful servant of God who during all types of adversity continued to be thankful and focused on his walk with the Lord even though family and friends told him to just curse God and be relieved from his plight. I am so thankful to God for sparing me the boils and blands. Although my acne did flare up really badly a few months ago and scared the crap out of me.

No, bouncing back is not for the faint at heart. My experience is nothing like Jobs. For instance, Job had family and friends around him to remind him of what he was going through. My nearest relatives are 30 miles away and have no idea what I'm going through. I will see them during the holidays and they are none the wiser. When I talk to others on the phone I am rarely asked about my process of rebuilding my life. Therefore I feel no need to volunteer any information.

I do not think isolation is a good thing. I think Job was one up on me by having people around him. They saw what he was going through and were able to know his pain and agony were real. I want to spare my family that picture. They know me to be strong, silly and forever smiling. This isn't that horrible to me. But when family and "true" friends see a tremendous struggle in someone they know and love, it hurts. I saw family members go through the effects of Katrina. It hurts knowing I can't do more for them. The only family members and friends who know about the lights and water are those who have had adversity in their lives and know what it means to struggle. At 42 years old I am not proud of sitting in a one bedroom apartment with no electricity, spoiling food and no understanding of what the heck I've done to have to go through this.

Like many people who were downsized in 2001 and 2002 due to outsourcing, I have a degree. It's an undergrad (BAS in Communications) but it's a degree. I was told as a little girl that if you get an education you will be able to get a good job and be successful. I know those who told me that meant well. What they didn't know was how the economy would change; that a bachelor's degree would become the new high school diploma; that being multi-talented would spell trouble maker, and that race would still matter in this country in 2007.

Prior to the 2002 downsizing I had began looking for another position. I went to networking seminars, coaching sessions and any job fair hosted in the Dallas/Fort Worth area. I was not worried about not finding a job. My skills were fresh and I was finishing my degree. So, I felt the knowledge was fresh too.

Interview after interview I was told I was "over qualified". Several interviewers realized they had called me in on the wrong job offer. The job paying within my salary range ($45K) that I had applied and qualified for was no longer available. But, if I were interested they had a neat little receptionist position for me. My favorites were the jobs I nailed during a phone interview. "Ms. Washington, you're our front runner!" Then I had the face to face interview and never heard back from the recruiter after that. I even interviewed with a manager who asked, "If my crack head, alcoholic brother can get a job why has it taken you so long to secure employment?"

Understand I got a pretty good severance package when downsized so I really wasn't that worried, financially. I cut back on everything and just focused on getting a job.

By the middle of the second year of being down I knew I had to do something. if not for income purposes to save my sanity. Daytime TV sucks!!!!! So I took my advanced degree holding behind over to the American Airlines center and got a job as an usher. Fun job, for $8 an hour. I actually got to see Shaq play. Not to mention seeing Dirk Nowitzski do some really remarkable things on the court. Oh, I also was still working a part-time job as a radio announcer I had been working for two years by then. The combination of those two jobs allowed me to supplement the savings I was now dipping into.

On year three I panicked. No one was going to hire me. I had already sent my resume out nationally. I was continuing to go to job fairs. I sent my resume to everyone on my mailing and begged everyone I knew to tell me if they saw discrepancies. The only feedback I got back was, "It looks really good. I like the formatting". Well damn. With all of the desktop publishing classes and seminars I've sat through, of course it would look good. I needed a review on content and substance.

My level of frustration was growing. I couldn't even get a position as a temp! Forget the fact that I once was a Senior Secretary to the Vice President of Sales and Marketing for an Information Technology company -- Fortune 500 at that. Forget the fact that I can type 62 words a minute. Forget the fact that my organizational skills are borderline obsessive compulsive. How about the fact that I'm a human being with basic needs (bathing, eating, shelter). How about the fact that I am an American who worked hard and am a veteran who served during Desert Shield and Storm. How about that!!!!

My panic attack and tirade found me in my car at 3AM on a Thursday driving back to California for a 1PM voice over audition I was called for in San Francisco. I figured I could look for a job out there; possibly getting a break with the parent company that downsized me.

Thankfully I booked the voice over gig, which was a national commercial for a woman product. But, that was one booking. I needed to get a real job, really fast or lose my house and my mind.

I started my professional organizing business and got the Learning Annex to allow me to teach a class on professional organizing. I was able to book another industrial acting gig and was doing many organizing jobs; getting customers by word of mouth. Unfortunately I still had a house in Texas. I had bought the house in Texas because I wanted a stable life and foolishly thought the job I had would last until retirement.

So here I am again. No lights. No money in the bank and seemingly no hope for progression.

I work for a government entity. I continue to apply for jobs and have come close to getting something better. Even in my current position I assisted as a crime analyst for 9 months. A crime analyst position opened and although I was actually doing the job they are hiring for, I am not being considered because (although I was doing the job) I do not have a statistical background. I was even sent to a class to learn the ArcGIS mapping. That is a major component to mapping crime trends, hot spots and clusters. After the class I was never given access to the database. My organization dropped $365 dollars to teach me something they will not allow me to use.

Nope, I don't have boils or blands. Nor do I have a clue as to why I'm going through this. Again, there are so many much worst off than me. Hopefully the economy will turn around and we all can start living that American dream I've heard so much about. But, I have begun to circulate my resume internationally. Yep, I even applied for a security position in Iraq. Heck, why not. If I have no worth in this country surely getting shot to death in another country will not matter.

In the meantime, I have lots of candles and like Job am still diligently praying for all of us who are going through the madness of poverty and uncertainty. I am thankful to God for sparing me (not just the boils and blands) the emotional turmoil I see around me. I see so many people being angry and hateful on their best days. People who get a thrill out of seeing others suffer. I see people who "just because" will go out of their way to wreak havoc on the lives of others . . . just because. I'm thankful to the Creator of heaven and earth for allowing me the opportunity to experience all that I have. I have been around the world, have eaten at some of the finest restaurants, stayed at 5 star hotels, had luncheons with celebrities and truly know what it feels like to love someone. I have had the opportunity to give to those less fortunate than me, volunteer, donate and advise.

This is a test. I'm not sure what the questions are; although God asked Job a series of questions at the end of his test. In not knowing the questions trying to find answers is frustrating. So, what does a girl do?

Tonight I will write in my journal until the sun sets. Then I will light my candles and meditate until I feel drowsy. I will wake Saturday morning and go for a long walk in the park and will admire all of God's creation as I work off these last 40 pounds. Then I will, as I should, take it one day at a time. I will patiently await the moment someone actually reads my resume (past my name) and realize the vital resource sitting in an office answering phones. I will continue to do my voice exercises because I never know when I'll be called for an audition. I will continue to bathe and present myself as a marketable and worthy member of society. Most importantly, I will hold fast to the fact that Job's issue ended with him being incredibly prosperous and with him knowing, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that God loved him and allowed him to become a stronger person through the midst of his pain.

So, to all of us who are struggling with . . . whatever . . . this too shall pass.

Oh, before I go. I'm sure a couple of people are wondering, "How the heck do you live in a house with no running water! That's just nasty!!" Well when I was in the military I used to complain about our little outings. Outings that forced me to find other resources to aid in survival.

I went to a church with a bunch of empty bottles and asked if I could fill them from their hose outside. I had water for weeks (not running water, but water). My electricity was still on. So I was able to heat my water to bathe and cook that delicious oatmeal and rice. When the phone was turned off I walked (saving what little gas I had) to the library and used their computer to communicate with family and friends.

I am in a one bedroom apartment right now. I have about 15 really big candles. I have running water and the rent has been paid. Meaning, I'll have shelter. As far as food goes (since I can't cook without electricity) I will have to get a few things to bring me through. I know that coffee staves off hunger. So I'll be dancing in candle light trying to come down from the caffeine high before the sun goes down. That should help with the 40 pounds too. I will also have a season of peanut butter and jelly until I can get the funds to get the lights back on.

This journey did not happen over night and my anticipation of getting a better position in order to afford my basic needs is continually crashed with letters of rejection. But again, this too shall pass and I'll be a better, more humble person at the end of it all. Luckily I do not own a gun and have never been suicidal. But if I did or were you know I'd write a story about it.

In the meantime, be safe, be kind and cling to hope.