Hey! Who the Heck Are Those People Anyway?

How often have you heard the term "You know they say", followed by whatever it was "they" supposedly said? I've been hearing that term for years but for the life of me I still don't know who "they" are. Whenever I ask who "they" are everyone becomes evasive. Is this some sort of secret society that only everyone else knows about but me? That's not fair is it? I'd like to meet these people too, maybe even become a member. After all they're pretty smart folks. "They" seem to have an answer for everything. "They" have got to live close by and "they" have got to be not only spying on me but also talking about me behind my back. "They" seem to know about and have an answer for just about everything I do. These people are not only terrible gossips but everyone seems to listen to them. Why else would everybody I know have a quote that supposedly "they" said?

We're not talking about just my neighborhood either. These people are so smart they're quoted worldwide. To my knowledge I've never done anything to these people and if I did it was probably an accident. Besides, I'm a pretty amiable guy. If you've got a problem with me you can usually talk to me about it in person. I hardly ever get violent, (well there was that one time when I snapped and killed all those people, (Only joking….maybe). You don't have to go around telling everyone else to come up to me and quote what you said. It's just not fair I tell you. If I were to go around talking about people I doubt if anyone would listen to me. So I've been thinking. Since these people are so darn smart they've got to be geniuses. Makes sense right? And where better to find geniuses than MENSA? I think I'm onto something here. When I called and asked to speak to the head "They" the person who answered acted like they didn't know what I was talking about. "AHA!", I shouted, " Of course you would act like you don't know but I've got news for you lady, the cat's out of the bag, You're the people who've been saying all those things about me!" She must have realized that the jig was up because she quickly hung up on me. So I did what any red blooded American would do. I called back. Only this time I was polite and tried to reason with her. Once she realized what I was inquiring about she assured me that their office was not responsible for the quotes. Other than talking to me like I was a three year old she seemed like a nice lady and I found myself believing her, (that threat about calling the police on me sort of helped).

So here I am back to square one. I still don't know. I thought about calling NASA but I figured that they're so busy with rocket surgery they couldn't possibly have the time to think up all those answers to everything. As near as I can tell this only leaves me with one option. I think that the next time I'm in the middle of something and someone comes up to me and says "You know they say…..", I'm going to very politely choke the daylights out of them until they tell me who "They" are.