Hey, Hollywood, Shut Up

The election of 2008 was a very close and thought provoking election, moreso than any other that I recall. There were so many issues: the war in Iraq, Afghanistan, terrorists, the war on drugs, the economy, etc. I like to think of myself as an independent thinker and I like to look at all sides and opinions. We all know that all of the promises made seem to be forgotten on Inaugural day, but during the races, it makes for uplifting the hearts of an American public who are looking for solutions. Thank God that the poli-sci experts from Hollywood all crawled out from under the rocks to guide us.

I was truly grateful to Pamela Anderson, (who by the way cannot decide if she wants BIG or small breasts.) She said her "mind" told her to vote for Obama, but her heart, Hillary Clinton. I love a person who knows what they want and how to get it. Hey Pam, Shut Up.

The next person who had a very influential effect on me was Madonna. I can understand her consternation about the 2008 elections since she lives in England. I bet she read articles about it every day in the "London Evening Standard" that is probably delivered to her English mansion by some poor English kid, trying to help his parents eke out a living. Hey, Madonna, Shut Up.

The next celebrity that I turned to was Harry Bellafonte, a renowned political scientist whose major claim to fame was "The Banana Boat Song" with the lyrics of "Day-oh, Day-oh. Daylight comes and me want to go home." This is a man who can truly get his point across. Hey, Harry, Shut Up.

Thank God for Roseanne Barr, (the Domestic goddess). Even though I could not find her education information, I'm sure that it is impeccable. Her heart-rendering rendition of the National Anthem at the Cincinnati Red and San Diego Padres in 1990 has earned her a spot in the American Public's hearts that will last forever. She tried to explain later that it was just a joke and that the sponsors asked her to add some humor to the song. It was reported that this thought-provoking conversation went on at the Barr pool and bar, while the women were drinking umbrella drinks: "Hey, how about that economy?" "It sucks." "Ha-Ha-Ha, chumps. Hey Carlos, bring us some more pina coladas". Hey Rosie, Shut Up.

I knew that I would never be able to make a good decision without consulting with Roseanne's friend, Sandra Bernhart. Sandra Bernhart: comic, actress, and perhaps the most foul-mouthed woman every known to mankind. I did see a news clip about her political views, but it was so bleeped out that I could not tell who she was backing, so I went online and found that she was definitely against McCain, and, as well issued a warning to Sarah Palin that if she came to Manhattan, she would be "gang-raped by my big black brothers." Pretty persuasive, don't you think. Hey, Sandra, Shut Up.

But the person who really influenced me the most was Sean Penn (Madonna's ex). After all, Chavez and Castro asked him for advice, and he has a lot of international influence. Sean attended Santa Monica College, with his majors being speech and auto mechanics. He did not graduate since it was so important to make himself recognized as the thespian and American spokesman that he is. During an interview with a distinguished journalist, the journalist asked, "Who are you voting for? And, uh, when we get done with this, could you take a look at my car? It's making a funny noise. A man who can multi-task. (By the way, he backed Dennis Kucinich). Please Sean, shut up.

I think celebrities are like children; they should be seen and not heard. Keep in mind that they make their millions pretending to be other people.

Oh, for the record, I voted for McCain.