Hey, Pro Sports, Clean Up Your Act

It's getting more and more difficult for me to watch professional sports. Don't misunderstand. I love sports, basketball, baseball,football, and I'm happy the little guy has an interest, but I watch the pro games less and less. Maybe I'm just cranky in my old age, but here's why.

I was watching a baseball game not long ago and could have taken a nap by the time the batter got through "adjusting" himself. I don't mean to be picky (no pun intended), but doesn't the batter realize he is on camera?

It's bad enough waiting for a guy to finish landscaping home plate, but I'm even less impressed with the time taken to make sure other things are lined up. If the guy spent as much time positioning himself on the field as he does when he steps in the batter's box, the games would be twice as long. I mean is it a problem with the cup they wear? Someone should investigate the underlying causes of this or at least flash a PG warning on the TV screen. It's embarrassing.

I also don't like all the spitting that baseball players seem to do. If they're chawing on a big wad of tobacco, they should know better for obvious reasons. Also, if I can't smoke in the stands, I don't think they should be allowed to chaw. Pitchers seem to spit more often than the other players, or maybe I just think so because of the close-ups when they're peeking over their shoulder toward first base. I'm waiting for one extra talented pitcher to land one over the plate in place of a change-up. We try to teach the kid not to spit, but I caught him practicing, like the big guys.

Football players do quite a bit of inappropriate toushy touching if you ask me. I guess it's all done in the spirit of the sport, but I can tell you if one guy patted another guy like that in a Wall-Mart, the eighty-year-old greeter would have his hands full. Even the little guy wonders about the patting thing.

Why do they do that anyway? The football field is the only place I know where men consistently slap each other on the patootie. Well, maybe some basketball players do, but I think they're pinching each other more than patting. Basketball players don't spit, either, because I imagine spitting would be some sort of foul. Basketball seems to be a polite sport. It's just the players that are felons.

Why is it that few sports stars can speak coherently? Aren't they mostly college graduates?

I watched an interview with a well known football star that thought he played foobaw. He went on to say "We a team" and "We got respeck" several times throughout his rant about how his education helped make him what he was. I got dizzy trying to follow his point.

As the gifted few develop into star players, I don't think it's too much to ask that their attitudes mature along with them. Maybe I'm losing my mind but I don't remember many enduring sport stars whining, bragging, brawling, and acting like spoiled brats. If I had some time to waste, I'd bet I could find quite a few with police records longer than career sports records. I get a little tired of people making excuses for star players, especially to kids who happen to idolize them.

Call me crazy, but I think that professional "sports" should require "manship" to follow. If any player lucky enough to be given a chance to play professionally can't "respeck" the game enough to stand by that, he ought to get his butt patted right out the door.

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