HGTV and Me

I've become an HGTV addict. It's not my fault and it's not that I especially enjoy the shows. I simply like to test out the solutions in order to debunk them. It's a poison station I tell you. There's a few problems going on here and maybe, with some help, I can overcome this addiction.

I can't sleep. Well, I can sleep with some effort but I do find it easier to sleep with the TV on and the TV must be on HGTV. This wouldn't appear to be an issue except for a few snags. The excessive screen blinking seems to penetrate my husband's eyelids resulting in a side change, thus resulting in his facing me placing him full center between me and my HGTV which then results in overly excessive snoring in my face. It's a no win as the now "snore barrier" has greatly reduced my hearing intake. My frustration levels rise and the TV gets turned off. I assume it's a well planned MO on his part that works well.

One of the wonders of HGTV is the overabundance of ideas on how to design for less or "on a dime." It appears to work. So I took a chance. I removed some the old crap from one room and moved it in with some old crap in another room while taking some old crap from the room I wanted redone and moving it into the room I removed the first batch of old crap from. Make sense? It sure seemed right. Essentially I ended up with a room full of "old crap." What's that all about? I must have missed a show in between the snores..

Did you see the Trash to Treasure stint where they made a coat rack out of women's high heels? I was totally intrigued by the mere fact that the shoes were interchangeable according to season. God forbid there's a white satin shoe on that coat rack in the winter. And what about the left over shoes? Do those qualify as a partial Salvation Army donation write -offs? Or do folks really cover a couple of bricks with harlot red fabric, hot glue a shoe on top and make books ends? Wait...there was the one legged lamp. I would suggest How To Tacky Down as a new show title but I'm not sure they'd take it on...yet.

How many husbands and wives do you know that really argue over room color? Come on ladies, be honest. If your husband is more involved in your color schemes than the amount of cash flow expended to change those colors you may want to do a bit of marital rethinking. Look I can appreciate some good solid input, like "Hon, you want this chair over here." Or "Can you cut the ceiling while I tape the trim." But the ever so mellow sound of "Hon I'm sorry but that color just doesn't do it for me." would definitely bring my peri-menopause to new heights.

House Hunters. Three days, three homes, 24 hrs to make a decision. Since when? You know this show is scripted to the max. Seriously. How many times in one episode do we hear, "I don't like the wall color." With a sweet response by thee realtor, "It can be changed." Look. there's no reason these shows should not be interchangeable. Why can't these folks just buy the first house, move some of their old crap from one room and move it in with some of their old crap into another room while taking some old crap from the room they didn't like the wall color in and moving it into the room they moved the first batch of old crap from to create that new room look.

What's My Home Worth? The suspense at the end of this show blows me away. Twenty -five minutes of a walk through showing upgrades, that in most cases needed to be done in order to reside in the place, then 5 minutes of the couple staring at each other waiting to hear if they blew it by putting to much, or to little, into their homes. The kicker is when appraiser tells them what they can do, in addition to what they have already done, to increase the market value. Listen, if you've been there 15 yrs and put $40,000 into your home (welcome to the real world) and the housing market is up there's a darn good chance you're going to get that $40,000, plus, back without having to have someone on T.V. tell you that. Hello, www.realtor.com. Check the neighborhood. Gosh, I hate stupid.

I could sit here all day and write but there was this really great spot on how to make your own concrete countertops. I do need replacement countertops and there's no other room I can steal them from. Of course, we could move. Or, I could try to salvage up some old concrete and improvise. I should make sure my husband likes to color before I continue and...wait a second...if I do this improvement...what do you think my house will be worth?