Hi God! Guess Who?

Is it possible to feel full if you don't eat? Yes! As weird as that sounds, it is very possible to feel full without food. How, you ask?

Since I got my lights turned back on I have been a writing fool. I have written on consumer issues, domestic violence and even wrote a promotional piece for co-workers. Even though the lights are back on, my financial situation has not changed. I am still one of the working poor; thankful for what I've got, but knowing I'm just one paycheck away from homelessness or the car being repossessed. I still have not been able to fill my refrigerator, yet I am full. How can that be?

Each day after work when I get home I change my clothes, loosen my hair and then turn on my PC. I will have whatever is in the kitchen for dinner and then I will sit and write. For one fading moment during one of my writing sessions I stopped and realized I had skipped a step. I hadn't' eaten anything all day. Then I realized I wasn't even hungry.

That is not a good thing for several reasons. Two that immediately come to mind are the fact that I'm still working out and need nutrients to feed my body. The other being, I have Grave's disease and need nutrients to feed my body.

I would like to say it's because I'm firing off stories in order occupy my time while I get through what I'm going through. But the observation I made is more that writing feeds me.

I am good at many things. I can type fast (but can't take shorthand), I have an incredible voice (but can't sing), I am an organizational guru (but can't keep track of numbers) and I am a joy to be around (but I'm very selective about who I let in). I have many talents and skills and by utilizing them my spirit is fed.

For years I have hidden my talents. Not because I do not want them known, but because I did not want to deal with the ridicule and condemnation that comes with putting myself out there. Constructive criticism is desired, but not always given.

If you are a doctor, people will revere you until someone dies. If you are a secretary no one has anything to say to you until they need something. But if you are an artist (writer, actor, dancer . . .) your criticism is given up front; without care for your feelings.

I started a series of books over six years ago. These books (like most) were my opinions based on my own true life experiences. I've had a very interesting life and think many can learn from my adventures and mistakes. Due to knowing many people who use condemnation as a tool for training, I was scare, ashamed and fearful of expressing myself and that made me want to sit on my talents.

In the parable of the **talents in the book of Matthew (25:14-30) a king handed out various talents to his workers. He gave each individual talent according to his (the worker's) ability. Meaning, he didn't ask anything unreasonable of these workers. They were fully capable of doing more with what he had given them. For one he gave five talents, another he gave two talents and another one talent.

The worker with the five talents doubled the King's gift. The worker with two talents doubled his gift as well. But the person given the least amount (one talent) got freaked out and buried his talent. He then went as far as to tell the king he was scared of him because he knew him to be a hard man. The king promptly took back the talent and gave it to the worker to whom he had originally given ten. This person's fear of another one's opinion caused him to hide what he had and to be seen as wicked and slothful.

I can't count the number of times I was given the opportunity to shine but due to some fear or gremlin from my past I let an opportunity pass me by; due to sheer and utter fear. How it pains me knowing how many times I hid my skills, talents and potential out of fear of someone else's opinion of me. There have even been times when my harshest critic had given me the ability to shine but their approach was so condeming I just walked away.

Unlike the one talent worker in Matthew, I feel like I have been given a second chance. I feel like what fuels and feeds me is my desire to live my dreams and share my talents before they are taken away from me. Before I have to sit and watch someone else leave me behind because I'm consumed with the notion that others will talk about me, hurt me, or worst, support me. How sad that we create these pitfalls for ourselves and then immediately try to find blame.

Well, this is me opening the curtain on myself and letting the world see who is behind it.

Hello, my name is Gail Washington and I desire to be a writer, motivational speaker, mentor and voice over talent.

Whew! That didn't hurt at all. What's sad is, I've been doing all of those things (collectively) since grade school. How sad that it took me this long to validate myself . I've been very expressive with my talents, but have had to get past the obstcle of other peoples opinion's (stupid, fat, lazy) to know I am a vital source of joy for many and I can't keep it to myself any longer. My talents are a gift from THE King and were given to me to share so others can be inspired, encouraged and to glean from.

KNOW YOUR OWN POTENTIAL

I'm sure you've heard that saying, "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." I fully believe the side streets are paved with good potential.

We all have potential to be something. It is your parent's responsibility to expose you to enough different life scenarios in order for you to know your choices. It is YOUR responsibility to pick something!

No one will know you better than your mom. But you should do your best to out do her.

* What is your passion?

* What gives you joy?

* What motivates you to get out of the bed in the morning?

* What feeds you so well you forget you haven't eaten food?

LET THEM TALK ABOUT YOU

There is nothing better than free publicity.

You probably need more enemies than you do friends. Your friends normally will ask you what's new in your life. Your enemies will spin a story of intrigue no rag magazine journalist could think of in their wildest dream.

The day you were born, people talked about you. Your first day of school, people talked about you. That first real job, people talked about you. Just make sure they get their facts straight and that you're doing something worthy so the higher echelon will want to investigate and know more about you.

USE FEAR TO YOUR ADVANTAGE

I recall a recon exercise I did while in the military which put me in the middle of a field at 3 AM, wearing night vision goggles, and holding an M16 loaded with blanks. My attitude was as funky as my uniform. At 23 years of age I was put in a situation that forced me to deal with fear (and this wan't the first one.)

Being that I was the only woman in my squad at that time, the fella's used to get a big kick out of doing stupid things to see where my pressure points were. On this particular night they hit the wrong one. When they sent the person to pounce on me in my foxhole, I was locked, cocked and ready to beat the living hell out of him with that rifle (because I knew the blanks would not hurt.)

Fear will rise up in you, but you do not have to give it a home. Use it to push through the situation and know that the adrenaline you're using to push through will be what it takes to kill that fear off.

INVEST IN YOU

I do not have a rich uncle, cousin, brother, sister or any other relative for that matter. I have spent a lot of money on seminars, training, coaches and other things related to my dream. I started investing in me in high school. I talked my mom into letting me participate in something called, "Faces International". Through them I got my first headshots and a boost of encouragement from a coach who told me I had a "gift". I would have thought he was just shining me on if I hadn't heard that from all of my drama teachers (grade school, high school and college) and my mother.

I started hiding my talents shortly after my mother died. She was my source of inspiration and the one who was constantly encouraging me to pursue that dream. It seems as if I put my desires in the casket with her.

Funny though, I never stopped investing or believing in me, I just didn't want to share my gifts with people who didn't understand me.

It is no ones responsibility to promote, invest or believe in you once you go past the age of consent. You have to find something within you to do it for yourself.

Yes, you need a support base. Yes, you need to be encouraged. But the bottom line is; only you will be living your dream. Be proactive in researching what it takes to be really good at it. Talk with people who are being successful at it. Talk to people who were total failures (they will help you avoid pitfalls.) Most importantly, do not give up on what you know you should be doing.

DO NOT ALLOW ANYONE TO PIGEON HOLE YOU

I currently work full-time in law enforcement as an office assistant. Basically, I answer phones and process payroll. Seriously, that is it. I have shared my desire to move into a new position to just about everyone in my unit. I am continually being encouraged to become a police officer, "Gail, you would make a great detective."

Did I mention I should not own a gun? Actually, I get nervous just standing next to the officers because they are strapped every day.

I probably would make a really good detective. But that would require me to go through the academy (basic training again), be on patrol for two years and then test for corporal. IF I pass that test, then I will get a line that will place me in a unit as specified by the rules and regulations of the general orders for police. Meaning: it's all a crap shot and I should not be allowed near guns.

I'm flattered people see in me qualities of a detective (intuitive, strong, great attention to detail, compassionate and nosey). But I know me better than any one person on this earth and I know I would be miserable going through that process.

I have interviewed for a bevy of positions within law enforcement (crime analyst, crime scene investigator, intelligence analyst) yet people keep insisting I become a cop. Even during an interview for the crime scene investigator position the recruiter said, "I really am impressed with your credentials, but I do not think you'll stay based on your past salary and the hours you'll have to work. But I would love to see you try out for the police force." I found out later they were trying to up their quota of black female officers.

You need to know who you are and what your strengths are in order to avoid others determining your fate.

BE FAITHFUL

Yes, to the Creator. But also to you!

I have wavered so much with what I wanted to do I can see why people see me as untrustworthy. It's not that I didn't want to pursue my dreams (wicked and slothful) I was too worried about hurting feelings, leaving people behind, acting like I was too good for folks (something you'll be told at the first sight of success).

In realizing my gifts I have been able to build a website for my voice over, organizing and writings. But my slothful behavior and fearful nature has cost me time and and money. Now I must wait for the correct opportunity to present itself in order to fund my projects. All a result of my (past) fears.

I have taken responsibility for my part in this mini-drame and realize I now must wait until I am again deemed worthy in the eyes of the King to go forward.

This time I am focused on financial courses, finding free resources to assist me with things I need and practicing my skills in order to be ready when the opportunity presents itself. In the time it takes me to complain about my life I can be doing voice strengthening exercises, writing or just reading up on how to be a better me.

In conclusion, don't stop dreaming. It's fat-free and costs nothing. Not to mention that God speaks to us through our dreams and has armed us with gifts and talents to make this the best life possible.

So, think you can handle ten?!

^{**Some scholars determined talents to be money; possibly worth fifteen years of a workers yearly wage.}