Hiking Survival Tips

Many beginning hikers worry about getting lost. And well they should. Shopping Malls are not easy to negotiate , a wrong turn can leave the confused male standing in the middle of Victoria's Secret, wondering "How the hell did I get in here."

Whoops, this article is about hiking in the woods and how to stay safe. Well, I think the best idea is just don't go. My idea of roughing it is Motel Six. At least they leave the light on for you. Campgrounds just leave the fire flies on for you.

My attitude to hiking and the forest. ? Have you heard of Survivor Man? Well I am " Get me the hell out of here" man.

But if you are seized with a powerful urge to venture into the woods and perhaps encounter a bear, snakes and other creatures whose sole purpose in life is to kill you, well I wish you lots of luck and be sure to carry your insurance card if anyone finds you while you are still breathing.

But I do have some great tips for how not to get lost in the woods. The secret in hiking is to take the same trail out that you took in. Unfortunately, there are many things in the woods that city dwellers do not recognize. Like trees and clean running water in the brooks and it is tempting to look at all the pretty sights, and all of a sudden, it is getting dark and you have no idea how to get back to camp.

In fact, I often find myself separated from the group for some strange reason. I thought we were getting along so well, except I was the only one singing 99 bottles on the wall. Often when you get down to 20 bottles of beer on the wall, you will look around and your fellow hikers will be gone.

But a good hiker, and I learned this from my one day in the Cub Scouts. - we were having a scavenger hunt and I suggested we find where Daddy hides the whisky and I was not invited back.

But you are suppose to mark the trail by doing clever things like leaving piles of rocks, marking trees with an X or leaving bread crumbs. I am not sure about leaving bread crumbs but I heard it somewhere.

Actually, I say the hell with it and always take a can of glow-in-the-dark spray paint and spray lots of trees with big Xs. That way , even if it gets dark, you can see the Xs glow and find your way back.

They always say that if you throw a can in the wilderness, it will take like a million years to biodegrade. That is why sometimes I use beer cans as trail markets. I figure with their life span, they will be there when I try to find my way back.

Well there you have it. Our next topic is how to play with matches in a dry forest, but I am tired and must go find my hiking group. Why do I keep losing them?