Hire Your Very Own AC-Article-Reading Professional--Cheap!

Does your Gmail inbox contain hundreds (thousands!) of ignored AC notifications? JanieNeverStopsTyping has been published on Associated Content...Francis Wordfarts has been published on Associated Content...SEOHeidi has been published on Associated Content...Katie Keyword Stuffer has been published on Associated Content-ten times in the last hour alone! Don't fret. My professional staff is here for you. We read and comment on AC articles for a living. 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, including holidays, we read all the articles you don't have time to read, especially the boring ones. It's not that you don't want to read these articles; we know you do want to read them, but, golly gosh darn it, you have work to do. Let ACARP do all your reading and commenting for you so you can get back to researching and writing boring AC articles of your own.

A Brief History of Associated Content Article-Reading Professionals (ACARP)

You're not the first AC contributor to go overboard on the subscriptions. She's following me, so I better follow her, you think. It's no big deal at first. You can easily read ten AC articles in one day, and still get lots of work done. He left me a nice comment on my new article, so I better go and leave him an even nicer comment on one of his articles, you think. No problem. You're always one or two steps behind, but you can almost keep up with the comment-for-comment game. This spreading-the-love-around is fun--addictive, actually! Sure, you're not writing as much as you used to, but look at all your subscribers and, holy cow, 150 AC contributors now call you-little old you-one of their "favorites"! Does life get any better than this?

Flash forward to this morning, when you woke up to an email inbox jam-packed with so many AC notifications that you nearly missed that important forwarded email message, with all the cute kitty and baby pictures, from Aunt Sue! What the heck happened? When was the last time you submitted a crappy AC article for upfront payment? Why, it's been months!

Stop the madness. Stop it right now!

Associated Content Article-Reading Professionals used to write AC articles just like yours (maybe even dumber than yours!), until they discovered their true talent: reading and commenting on AC articles. These guys and gals know what they're doing. Since the creation of ACARP in March 2009, countless AC contributors have increased their productivity and popularity by choosing one of these Comments Package options:

The Allene Newberg Bilodeau Deluxe Comments Package

Purchase individual article-readings/comments for $1.50 each, or 10 readings/comments for $10. You'll get what you pay for, and then some! Nobody on AC leaves comments like Allene's--warm, funny, touching, sincere, and so long that she sometimes runs out of space and has to leave two comments. The next best thing to a genuine Allene-Newberg-Bilodeau comment is ACARP's re-creation of an Allene-Newberg-Bilodeau comment with your AC avatar and name tied to it!

Picture this Allene-like comment, attributed to you, on your friend's latest lawnmower maintenance article: "Boy, Gary! No one knows used lawnmower parts like you! That story you told about the kid who lost his finger in a lawnmower accident reminded me of an incident with my daughter. Little Brenda, age 8, convinced some neighborhood girls to dress up as lawnmower fairies and perform a dance recital in our backyard. No one lost any fingers, but it sure was cute! I must say, you keep churning out the most interesting, informative articles. Keep 'em coming!"

How does ACARP do it? Do you have to give ACARP your AC log-in and secret password information? Yes, of course. Well, how else do you expect ACARP to pose as you and read all the articles you're too busy to read? ACARP will never EVER pose as you while publishing dull articles and god-awful poems-we guarantee it!

Perhaps The Allene Newberg Bilodeau Deluxe Comments Package is a bit too pricey. You're not in the habit of leaving chatty, hilarious, sweet, paragraph-length comments on every AC article you read. Your friends would grow suspicious of such brilliant comments. You need a more bare-bones comments package. (If anyone does wonder what ever became of the "old" you, feel free to pass along the ACARP contact information found at the end of this article. Your friends will be so flattered that you're paying someone else to read their crap...um, their nice articles...they're certain to return the favor!)

ACARP offers two "short 'n' sassy" comments packages, for when a lone smiley just isn't enough: The Donald Pennington One-Liner Comments Collection and The Morag Mortimer-Smythe Fancy British One-Liner Comments Collection, both value-priced at just 50 cents per individual article-reading/comment. Or get 10 readings/comments for $3.50. What a deal!

You've always wanted to be like Donald Pennington-here's your chance! Won't your friends giggle at "your" clever comments on their articles? It used to be that Donald Pennington was the only AC contributor who would leave a comment like this one: "I FB you, Dolly, I really do." Guess what? Now "you" are leaving comments just as bizarre, all over AC! One day it's "Where've ya been all my life, George?" and the next day it's "You still writing here, Red? What gives?" People eat that stuff up!

Maybe you've always envied Morag Mortimer-Smythe's witty, sophisticated remarks. "That's the last time I give you a hoover, you old sod..." or "My mum told me to stay away from chaps named 'Charles'...right lot of good that did me..."--wouldn't it be grand if "you" left comments like that? For a measly 50 cents, "you" can! Other AC contributors will adore "your" charming English accent. Watch your list of subscribers quadruple overnight!

ACARP understands that most AC contributors prefer to leave simple, laudatory comments on articles: "Good job!" "Nice work!" "I'm sending this link to my friend!" "Excellent analysis!" "Cool!" "I always enjoy your work." "You're so smart!" "You're so clever!" "I love this!" "Thanks for sharing." "Amazing!" "Wow!" "I'm impressed." "You put a ton of work into this. Great job!" "Sweet!" "Nice!" "Beautiful!" "Oh my God, you're the best writer on AC!" "Great ideas." "Wonderful suggestions." "Perfect advice." "Good report."

For just 25 cents per individual article-reading/comment, or $1.00 for 10 readings/comments, ACARP offers a Satisfaction-Guaranteed, All-Purpose Generic Comments Pack. We don't charge much for this service because we don't even bother reading the articles (but we do promise to click on each page, and wait for all the ads to load). We take our page-clicking duties very seriously; the last ACARP employee who dared to click on "single page" instead of clicking on each individual page of a 6-page article on "alternative cures for joblessness" lost her job. Her joblessness remains uncured, too. So sad.

These Satisfaction-Guaranteed, All-Purpose Generic Comments Packs make great gifts for other AC contributors. As long as all of "you" continue to leave nice comments wherever "you" go, all is well in AC Land, where constructive criticism is as rare as a one-legged albino porcupine with herpes!

For Preferred Customers Only: For just $5.00 more a month, ACARP will hit 60 random articles on AC with "your" generic praise. You know what that means-more fans and subscribers for you!

Now you're churning out 1000 AC articles a month and leaving more comments than Greenhill and Jennifer Wagner combined. (At least, everyone thinks those comments are from you! You have them all fooled! Bwahahahaha!) Look at you go, Sexy Clout 10 Superstar!

ACARP is thrilled to make all of your AC dreams come true.

Send your list of AC subscriptions and all relevant AC account information to Mickey@ACARP.com right away. It's time to stop the endless, mind-numbing reading and commenting, and start writing again!

(ACARP is not recommended for AC contributors who wish to form meaningful friendships and learn interesting things.)