His Mom Hit Him: Will He Hit Me?

The argument was over something minimal, as is the case for most teenage arguments. I walked away with anger in my eyes, truly believing I had won until I felt his hand on my arm. He dragged me back and I suddenly found myself face-to-face with someone I didn't know. His words echoed in my mind for years to come, "Don't you ever walk away from me again!" I held my head and promised to be a better girlfriend. That wasn't the only bout of anger I'd face in the years to come.

Are men programmed to be violent by their parents? Children raised in a life of adversities are more likely to exhibit violent behaviors in teen relationships. It is estimated that 10 out of every 12 children with a history of adversity at home will be violent toward a partner, but how long does the violence last and is there a way to break free from the statistic?

Just because life dealt you a bad hand does not mean you have to follow the same path. When I was a child, my parents scolded me when I broke the rules. My television privileges were stripped and I was not allowed to play outside with my friends. I thought every parent treated children the same way, until I met my future husband. When my husband was punished his mother forced him to stand against the wall while she beat him with sticks, hairbrushes and belts. He was raised in a world of violence and that violence stayed with him well into adulthood.

Changing the pattern for the sake of a lasting relationship. I was married at the early age of 18. I wanted to escape my parent's grasp and start a life of my own. Little did I know, my husband's past would come back to haunt us for many years of marriage. Every time his mother came near, he hung his head and talked to her like a child. The fear was part of his soul, but that fear turned to rage when she wasn't around. After five years of marriage, I demanded a change. That change took several more years, a divorce and a rebirth.

Life after the storm is something worth striving for. After years of violence, yelling and fighting, I found myself in the courtroom declaring I would never live my life with the man I'd promised forever. There was a look in his eyes that I'd never seen. It was like a light switch flipped on and he finally realized life as he knew it was over. He changed that day and that change was all we needed as a couple to move on with life beyond the adversities of childhood.

Science states the facts; humans control fate. Just a few months after my divorce was final, I accepted my ex-husband's proposal for marriage. We remarried with a new light in our relationship. He looked his mother in the face. When we fought, we were smart enough to walk away before things got out of hand; he took lots of walks. He changed for love and grew beyond the statistic.