His Out of Town Business Trip: Your Opportunity

My husband went out of town yesterday on a business trip, I dreaded it for half the week - him leaving me...and our four kids. This year, he has a job that requires very little travel and I have loved him being around. But it wasn't always this way. We both spent 10 years in jobs where business travel was king...a part of life. I am glad to be away from that, but just today I am starting to remember how I was able to stomach him being gone all those years. Your husband going out of town definitely has perks. So, whether you are heading into it for the 100th time, a week alone, or gearing up to support his new job with him being gone more, take heart. Men being gone can be great! Let's review the incredible benefits (to avoid the dread of the week without him.)

(Before I begin, let me just say, this assumes your husband is not in the military, or you are a do-it-ALL yourself single parent . I think it would be really hard to have my husband gone too long and have a really high respect for women that get into the patterns of adjusting to being with him, or without him - extended. To those ladies, if no one has told you lately how strong you are...you are! Living without help, companionship and the day to day is not easy. Sometimes it's just nice for someone to bear witness to all that you do! Keep giving it your all, sisters!

Half the Pick Up; Half the Resentment
No one tells you that when you get married and have kids, you will spend at least 20 hours a week just picking up - and a percentage of that is picking up after your husband. Women tend to see things men don't, such as the kids backpack or shoes in the wrong place. And, when I personally walk by these items, particularly if I am headed in the direction of their room, I pick them up and take them with - or at least give the offender a holler..."Hey, John. Come grab your backpack. It doesn't belong in the center of the living room." Men don't really do that. They just pass the item. Sure, there are some men, the borderline OCD types, but most will walk right past something that belongs elsewhere and not burden themselves at all with thoughts of this item contributing to the overall cleanliness of the home.

Yes, men will also leave things out themselves and contribute to the workload for you. For example, my husband will shave and put away the razor gear, but walk right out on the sink of whiskers. He will walk in the house and take off his shoes. And that is where they will stay, wherever he was when he took them off. He will make coffee and leave the packaging on the counter. Again, this is not all men, but trends for sure. I know because I am not the only woman in America who will attest to this stereotype. But, in regards to him leaving for the week, you are eliminating one person. Yes, it is one less person to "pick up" after.

Most important, you are eliminating the adult. Because, say what you will, it is really easy to forgive children for messes, or tell them, "I have told you this 1000 times...put the backpack in your closet!" But saying to your husband for the 1000th time, "Honey, please don't roll up your socks and stuff them in your shoe when you take them off. Put them in the laundry basket." becomes a little contemptuous, because he should remember, he should know better, he is an ADULT and can translate, if he really thought it out, "Hey, by me doing this...it is creating work for my sweet wife needlessly." Yep, after 1000 times of asking your husband to switch up a bad habit, it simply begins to feel like purposeful disrespect on his part.

With him gone for a time, none of this, not the negligence in pick up, the items he creates to the "pick up" conundrum or resentment is there. Ahhhhhh.

Time is Your Friend
When my husband is around, we operate on two time tables: his and mine. It is so nice to have a break from that and everything be on my time.

Sure, I miss my husband when he is gone, but I don't realize what a time suck he is until he is gone. I generally want to spend time with him but when that isn't an option because he is gone, I find that I have a lot of free time to do exactly what I want. These are things I probably wouldn't do if he was there, I would opt to be with him because I love him. But they might be things that rejuvenate my spirit or make me truly happy and no one is talking to me. I am just being me. And that is fun in a very quiet way, it's restful.

Focus on the Kids (and liking it!)
It is really nice to give your kids 100% of your focus. With your husband IN town, he likely gets a big percent of your attention and shares time with the kids. But, with the man gone, kids aren't fighting for your attention and don't seem as neglected or impatient because you are so assessable. It is a clam, simply to be with your kids - doing what you want to do...and no one walking through the door dividing your time.

Deep Clean Garuntee
I am not sure why I love for my husband to walk in to a clean house, because God knows he doesn't feel the same way - innately. I have tried to set this standard when I am out of town by saying, "Please don't let me walk into chores." But not sure he would have ever considered it had I not mentioned it. But, I love to be the ultimate wife after he has been gone, walking in to a home of warm brownie smell, or the fresh scent of squeaky clean hardwood floors. So, it is almost a done deal that when he goes out of town, there will be a blitz of cleaning...and my house will look spit spot guaranteed.

I once read that a reason men cheat on their wife is because the home is less of a haven than it used to be. I think men cheat for a lot of reasons, but this one is such a controllable to me. I do want my home to be a place he wants to walk into. And after being gone, a place he can't wait to get out of the car and walk inside. I want him to be happy to be home. Plus, he can focus on me instead of stuff. Ha. But seriously, he can focus on family and relaxing after a long trip in a place that feels like this life is exactly what he wanted when he signed up for it...or has spent the whole week working for it.

Ultimately, I love my husband and want him with me most of the time and when his plans include leaving for the week, I do dread it for days in advance. But, when he is gone, the calm sets in and I try to enjoy the days, hours and minutes without him and focus on all I am not picking up, the undivided time I have with my kids or to myself and the last minute feelings of making my home spotless. That is, until he calls and says he is boarding the plane on time...and I pray for safe travels - so he returns and makes our home whole again.