Hobo Tricks for Eating Free

It has often been said that you have to be trying pretty hard in order to starve to death in America, and for the most part that is still true. Dumpster diving is largely no longer the treasure trove that it once was, thanks to more and more businesses locking up their refuse or tainting it with chemicals where legally permissible. Welfare safety nets are being slashed in counties and cities all over the country, and food pantries don't get the same level of donations they do in good economic times, but the hungry Americano can still eat pretty well on an extreme budget by looking to the most expert of scavengers and recyclers among them.

Unfortunately, the days of the bindle-carrying hobo snatching the cooling pie off the windowsill are long behind us. Pies are no longer trusted to the elements and the insects in such a manner, and our increasingly police state oriented culture will likely get you a five year bit these days if you try a little dessert snatch-and-grab. The adventurous hobo (and hobo wanna-be) can still find pickings out there if he is bold enough to take them.

For example, a favored hobo trick is to walk into a buffet through one of the exits, or otherwise slip in undetected, then simply pick up a plate and fill it up like he belongs there. Even better if there are styrofoam to-go cartons! Some hobos make their living off of this in buffet-rich environs like Las Vegas, where hobo dining tactics are so common that when caught they usually just have their picture taken and are barred from the premises rather than being turned over to the local constabulary.

A common hobo move I see performed often here in San Francisco is grabbing a cup out of the trash near a fast food restaurant, then casually sauntering in and filling it up at their soda fountain. Of course, this only works if both the restaurant has a fountain freely accessible for refills, and also if you are so down and out as to not care about trash germs or whatever the previous owner spit into the cup before they tossed it. While rather grody, you do have to respect the brass of a dude that just walks up to McDonalds, swipes a cup off the ground, and then goes in and fills it up without ever breaking stride.

Food stamps and soup kitchens are still available in many areas, even if the pickings are slimmer than they used to be. A food option that many don't seem to know about, however, is two grassroots organizations by the name Food Not Bombs and Curry Without Worry. These two groups usually put on regular feedings and go out of their way to prepare nutritious, usually vegan or vegetarian food, along with cultivating a respectful and communal atmosphere often with music and performances. Sure beats standing in the church dinner line for baloney on Wonder Bread and a mandatory hour of fire and brimstone preaching!

Brazen hobos can also take advantage of the complimentary breakfasts at many hotels. It stands to reason that the clerks working at night are not the same ones that work bright and early in the morning, so they aren't going to be expected to recognize everyone in the lobby getting their fix of coffee and bagels. Besides, they are probably paid too little to care anyway. This works better at big chains with a lot of employees rather than little mom-and-pop motels.

A classic hobo move for some cheap energy and nutrients has been getting the cheapest cup of joe possible, preferably with free refills, and then loading it down with as much sugar and milk as it can possibly hold. Of course, if you are using refined white sugar, or even that "turbinado" stuff that Starbucks has, you aren't doing your body any favors as that stuff leeches minerals and calcium from you if you don't take in a good quantity along with it. However, the creamers at most coffee joints contain something like 10% milkfat, which means they actually have a good dose of protein and calcium. If you can pocket a bunch, you can mix them with water later to make your own (slightly warmer) equivalent of 1% or 2% milk. A lot of coffee joints in the cities now offer molasses and honey as sweetener options, and both of those are pretty good for you generally speaking.

Nothing sparks ingenuity like extreme hunger, and if you wind up a victim of America's crashing economy you might just have to come up with your own hobo techniques as well. If you do, come back and let us know about them!