Holding onto Faith; Not Grudges

Letting go of some of my long-standing grudges has been a difficult task; but it has certainly lightened my load and allowed me to open myself up to receive more happiness and joy into my life.

The dictionary defines a grudge as a deep-seated feeling of resentment or rancor. In turn, resentment is defined as indignation or ill will felt as a result of a real or imagined grievance.

The Bible says, "Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you." Ephesians 4:31-32

Today is the day to talk about grudges because I had occasion to speak with my ex-husband today. We have been divorced over a decade and were married just as long. If we didn't have children, I probably would have never seen him again after our divorce.

I have long ago forgiven what transpired during our marriage, but the lasting effects of it have tainted my current relationship. Harboring those feelings of resentment have created a situation where I was constantly trying to avoid the same experiences. In my desperation to keep from experiencing those hurtful things again, I had created a relationship that wasn't honoring my husbands role in our marriage.

I recently grasped the enormity of what I was doing and have made definite changes to actually let go of those resentful feelings, instead of transferring them to my current relationship.

My ex told me that I had good reason to behave like I did because a lot had happened to me. Of course, he wasn't the one being affected any longer by my harboring these ill feelings. I am quite sure he has no trouble sleeping at night when I am fighting the urge to look for signs of betrayal everywhere.

I don't think a reason gives me an excuse though. I told him I still have the power to choose to behave differently and not continue to feel victimized or feel that it is only a matter of time before it happens again. He agreed; and even went on to say it wasn't my current husband's fault, he did nothing wrong himself.

My long-standing bitterness had been punishing the man who was doing everything right. Did I have reason to be upset and angry? Of course. But I had no grounds to keep being angry and fearful. The Bible also says, "Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger." Ephesians 4:26

We can get angry. But we are also to forgive that day and not continue to carry the grudge with us.

Resources

Day 22 - A Beginner Learns To Pray

Open Bible - Grudges