Holes in the Boat - Family Life as a Correctional Officer

After I got home from the academy I was relieved to know that I didn't have to worry about moving and from now on I thought my life was going to be easier that it had been. However, what I failed to realize is that life is always full of problems and challenges and it is how I handle the obstacles that will come my way that will decide on whether my ship sinks or I keep it afloat. Not only did I have to be patient with life I had to learn how to be positive and make sure I kept the ship afloat by having a very healthy attitude with everything and keeping the "holes in the boat" patched up, so to speak, as the analogy goes.

While I was in the academy my first wife Lori had to be taken to the doctor by my good friend Raymond (name changed.) She had to call him because she had gotten so sick that she could not walk by herself and he had to almost carry her to the car. She had problems keeping her food down, plus she was developing these weird rashes all over her body, but mostly on her face. When I got home I did not even know the severity of what was going on. I had spoke to her several times on the phone while I was in the academy and even though she mentioned that she was sick, I never thought much of it because I thought perhaps she had a bad case of the flu. That, however, turned out to be something totally different than what I expected.

I took her back to the doctor as soon as I walked in the door from Galt, California (8 hour drive) because at this point the doctor had not told Lori what the diagnosis was. Plus she looked sicker than the way she had explained it on the phone and I felt the doctor may need to put her in the hospital for a couple of days, just to rest up. She was not only sick, but she had the pressure of watching three kids, as well, ages 5, 4, and 3. I wanted to see what was not only causing the flu like symptoms, but the rashes as well.

I took her in on a Friday to the hospital and it just so happened that my timing was so that the results from the lab had come back from when Raymond had taken her in. Dr. Marsh (name changed) sat us both down (except my wife who was already lying in a hospital bed) to explain the lab results. He gently told us, "The first thing is that your wife is pregnant and that is why she has been having the morning sickness. The second thing is that she has Lupus causing the rashes on her face." "What in the world is Lupus," I asked. He went on to explain it in doctor terminology what it was, which didn't make a lot of sense at the time, but did later when I did some research on it. Dr. Marsh also explained that the pregnancy would be very high risk and his recommendation at this point would be to abort the baby. Her chances of living and the babies of surviving would be very slim and even if the baby did live he probably would be deformed. Of course, our beliefs would not even allow us to consider such an option and we told him that we both wanted to keep the baby and leave it in God's hands.

On Sunday, after a couple of days in the hospital, Lori came home from the hospital. On Monday I had to report to work and Lori was left to tending our three children again. I was afraid to take any time off from work because I was brand new and didn't want to take the chance of getting fired. This, I am sure, was very hard on Lori, being pregnant, having Lupus and trying to take care of the kids as well.

For six months I went in to work day after day without calling in sick. I was having many experiences as a new correctional officer that I really enjoyed but I was also neglecting my family, in one sense, because I was not home with Lori helping her out. In the other sense I was providing for our family by putting food on the table and eventually, after working six months with the department, receive full medical benefits.

I was told that if I passed probation, August 1st, that if the baby was born after that time that he would be covered under our HMO. The baby was due in September so I thought for sure the baby would be covered by the insurance. However, as life brings in its challenges or "holes in the boat," things didn't go as planned and the baby had to come into this life a little earlier than we thought.

On July 28, 1987 three days before the insurance went into affect our little Tiny Tim came into the world. He had to be taken by C-section, a couple of months earlier than planned. He was only 2 pounds 8 ounces, a little premature, but healthy.

I had to take my first day off from work since I had started with Corrections In fact I may have gotten there during the delivery, because I think someone actually called me at my job and told me to get to the hospital as soon as possible because Lori was going to have the baby. When I got there I was going to try to convince someone that they should wait three more days before they did the C-section, but it was too late because they had already started the process. I was told later by the doctor that if they had waited any longer to deliver him, either she could have died or the baby or both if they had waited to the first of the month.

To me that was one of those experiences that I was full of joy that Timmy was healthy and that Lori had made it through without dying on me. But at the same time I was very mad, which I relate to "holes in the boat", that they did not wait until August 1st so that my insurance would cover it. I ended up going through Medi-Cal insurance through the state and because of the income I was making at the time; I had to pay a share of cost. My share was $5,000 which I was very upset about and was refusing to pay it at first, because I thought the state should have paid everything. Of course I lost the argument, after they sent me to collections, and I ended up making payments on him. In fact, we did not get him paid off until he was five years old. Luckily, he was interest free, or he would have cost us a lot more.

Today, I look back at my attitude and have said many times, "TREX, You shouldn't have been the mean ole dinosaur you were then; and you should have been a lot more grateful the doctors saved both your baby and your wife." Both of them were worth every penny that I had to pay out for them and today I realize it more than ever. Lori was needed by her family for many more years and lived until 2003 when God said it was time for her to return home to Him.

My next article I will deal with some of my actual experiences I had working in a women's prison.