Holiday Advice for Divorced Parents

Families gather during the holidays to celebrate. In homes where divorce has occurred, it is a little harder to enjoy this time of year. Children that have parents who are divorced will need a little extra love and support. They sometimes will reflect back on past holidays before the divorce took place. The challenges caused by untraditional families can cause children to feel extremely overwhelmed during the holiday season.

To help keep the holidays a positive experience for children try the following:

Keep family values in perspective; do not be caught up in the holiday commercialism.

Do not put the kids on the spot by asking questions like, "Whom do you want to spend the holidays with?" Children love and are loyal to both parents and should not feel torn between them.

Let your children know their holiday visitation plans well ahead of time. Last minute planning can cause stress.
Do not be afraid of starting new traditions if the old ones either conflict with the children seeing both parents and are too difficult for a single parent to carry out.

Both parents should get together and decide on how the children's time will be spent during the holidays, always take into consideration what the child prefers. Do not compete with who gives the best gift. Show your love through words and spending time with your child, not the size and number of presents under the tree.

Both parents should work together to simplify their respective family obligations. Children who are overscheduled can feel like they are being pulled in different directions. This will increase the stress on both the parents and children.

Follow through on your commitments you have made to your children. Disappointment during the holidays can make it stressful on everyone. So, make sure you do what you have promised.

More than any other time of the year put your children's above your own. You may disagree with your former spouse on many topics, unless it is something that may harm the child, do the best to get along with your former spouse.
Plan visits with both sides of the extended family. Remember that grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles are a very special part of the holidays.

Regardless of the family situation, children still love the holidays. Some children this is the best time of the year. Divorced or separated parents should not dampen the holiday spirit with their marriage problems. Any problem can be picked back up after the holidays. It is important for children going through this trauma to enjoy special occasions.