Holiday Gift Suggestions for the Tea Party Person in Your Life

Oh, just what do you give the paranoid Obama hating, right wing fundamentalist, tea partier in your life? If you can't find anything at the Wal-Mart, there are options online, should you wish to hop on the crazy train and spend far too much money doing it.

Glenn Beck tells us the sky is falling, and it's happening any day now. Instead of writing him off as Chicken Little with a God complex, follow links from his newsletter to get the gifts that will make your teabagger smile - and anyone else say - wtf?

The entire process is just a bucket of laughs. The email from Glenn Beck is to push his new book, and was sent on Black Friday, which Beck declares "Broke Friday." Yes, you could go broke if you click on the link saying it has "hard to find gifts for patriots." Sure, it's hard to call someone a patriot who is so anti-American as the tea right, but hey - delusion is part of the equation.

One of the Glenn Beck links goes to Survival Seed Bank, where for a mere 149.00, plus 15.00 s/h - supposedly half the price it will be when the seed bank "hits the street," you can get a collection of seeds to grow your own "crisis garden." Your right wing nut job relative will feel secure that the can grow a garden should a "real meltdown" occur.

And the best part - the container the fairly small amount of seed you get is described as "indestructible," and "can be buried to avoid confiscation." Yes, the squash, spinach, and eggplant police will be coming to take away your seeds!

On a side note, the seeds advertised as "non-hybrid," perhaps to justify their expense. But in the descriptions of enclosed seeds, you will see one of them is get corn seed. "This late large reddish corn was crossed with an earlier yellow dent to create the modern Reid's Yellow Dent." Now I'm no farmer, but isn't two varieties crossed to make one hopefully superior, the very definition of hybrid seed?

Don't get me wrong, I think everyone who has a little space should plant a garden. But you can get good seeds that you can have a wonderful garden with for about 10 percent of the cost of the survival bank. And if you feel the need, you can put them in a similar container and bury them for no charge.

Don't think you need crazy seeds? How about a nice Glenn Beck thong? At Cafepress, you can find a thong with the words "Beck for president 2012," followed by the snarky "if there is an election." And you can help the economy too - the thong is the only product on the first page stamped "Made in the U.S.A." Good to know we have some clothing industry still!

And behind the words on the thong are grey images of what seem to be assault rifles. Your frisky righties can get all Second Amendment remedy in bed!

Stephen Colbert does a good bit looking at another Beck advertised product, food insurance. Check out the video here. Again, it's a good idea to be prepared in the event of an emergency. But don't get all Beckified and crazy and pay someone far more than what they are selling is worth.

That's the tragedy of Beck, isn't it? Take real concerns about the economy and turn them into teabagger blather, with no real solutions and much deeper problems. Distracting people and causing them to look at those who are actually trying to make things better as Nazis and/or Stalinists. Ignorance fueled by fear and rage.

In light of reality, get your Tea Party person Dana Milbank's great book "Tears of a Clown: Glenn Beck and the Tea Bagging of America.