Holiday Giving - No is Not the Only Word that Means No
Yes, many of us have taken it one step farther: It is about giving too much. When we fall into the trap of giving too much, we are the ones who suffer. Rather than having the holidays become too overwhelming and all the 'yessing' that you keep saying to everyone for everything... which might very well lead you to want to lock your doors next year from Black Friday until Boxing Day, let's practice some joy, peace, and happiness strategies.
There are so many ways to conquer overgivingitis. But for the purpose of my own joy, peace and, happiness (in regarding to time management and family time!), I am only going to focus on one for you.
No is not the only word that means no. Really! I am being truthful and honest here. No means no... but so does-wait! What do I mean writing about the word no during such a giving time? Surely, I am not being a Scrooge. I assure you that I am not. I am sharing with you my experience that I have found to work wonders in helping having a more joyous, peaceful and happy holiday season.
No. Practice it. For some to say it over and over again works... until the word can roll right off the tongue and begin a very polite sentence. No. I will not be able to do that.
No. I can't make four dozen cookies by tomorrow. (Not when you are calling me at 9 p.m., and I am still at my other child's Christmas concert and will not be home until late.)
No. I can't come over with the kids right now to help you with yours. (I have absolutely no free time with my own kids this month. Every night we have had something going on and we need to just spend some time at home.
No. I can't stay late again. (I have stayed late completing my work, in addition to Moe's who has been on maternity leave. But it is the holiday season and I have family in town and shopping to do.)
No. One of the biggest and -worse- uses of I can't that I have heard is... I can't keep my cat any longer. (Most of the time, the reasons people give up - dump- their animals on rescues are just not adequate.)
No. I can't --- well that sounds like you are backing out or being cowardly almost.
Almost like a lack of confidence.
So rather than saying No or I can't. Say, I won't.
I won't be able to help with the Christmas party tonight. I have already been of assistance with three other parties this week alone. Thank you, for considering me. Merry Christmas. Still No. But nicer.
I won't be able to cover your shift or stay overtime again this week. I came in early several days last week.
I won't be able to take in your cat because we do not have the space for your 15 year old four paw declawed kitty with litter box issues. We are a rescue not a sanctuary.
I won't conveys finality. I can't conveys well maybe, if I receive a confidence boost then I will say yes now and in the future.
Try it. It does work.
Published by Lori Piper
Co- Director of South Texas Persian Rescue and all around animal lover. View profile
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5 Comments
Post a CommentI get your point, but how is "I won't be able to" any different from "I can't?" It's what you said after those 2 identical concepts that made the difference.
A dear friend used to say to me, "Repeat after me, 'NO.'" Great advice!
Unfortunately, NO has come very easily to me this year since I am financially struggling. Great article!
I'm guilty of saying "I can't" and then trying to qualify it with an excuse. Your approach of saying "I won't" certainly sounds less squishy, and I imagine is far more effective. Thank you for this wise advice :)
Good advise.