Holiday Shopping Hints or How to Serve Your Country

This is a straight-forward proposal. Every U.S citizen must serve for two years. Everyone would have the choice of joining a branch of the armed services, the Peace Corps, or working in a retail department store.

Why? The wonderful world of self-discovery awaits you. That and you'll know how to behave in civilized company. The military teaches discipline. The Peace Corps teaches compassion. The retail department store teaches consideration. Any or all of these traits are necessary for coexistence with your fellow humans.

This is not a new idea. Other countries have compulsory service. I've only added the retail sector as a choice because I learned so much there and it is as grueling as any military exercise or fighting malaria. The winter holiday shopping season is a terror in retail stores. Shoppers have experienced the havoc that is the mall, but few have seen it from the other side of the counter.

Why the retail sector as a choice? Here are some examples that illustrate the most often breaches of the shopping rules.

1. Do not say, "Just looking."
When greeted by a worker with "May I help you?" or "Are you looking for something in particular?" Do not respond with "Just looking." Especially, I repeat, especially if you are going to change your mind 30 seconds later and require assistance and pout and scream when there is no one around because you blew them off.

Shopping is not a game. You don't win a prize for being the biggest butt-head in the store. Know, at least in general, what you're looking for and asked to be shown those items when greeted. If you don't really know what you're looking for, ask for suggestions. Do not blow off an employee only to change your mind. Be cordial and polite.

2. Don't trash the place.
You wouldn't rummage through your neighbor's closet, leave half-empty sodas perched on their stairs, or not flush their toilet when finished, would you? You are on someone else's property. You are the guest of the store. Act like one. The store is not obliged to give you anything any more than you are obliged to buy something.

I'll admit I got snippy with a mother and daughter one day over this. There were dozens of tables stacked with dozens of sweaters in my section of menswear. Mom was casually unfolding every sweater and depositing it back as a crumpled mass. Daughter was going behind her refolding the sweaters neatly. Just as I passed by, mom told her grown daughter, "Stop that! They pay people to do that."

Without looking or breaking my pace, I said, "No they don't. It's in the price of the sweater. You pay for it." Of course she stormed out, but my point was made. The largest cost of any product is human labor. If we all showed some consideration, we would control prices and frustrate our fellow human being a little less.

3. Don't walk away.
Salespeople are not your lapdogs. How would you react if someone started a conversation with you and began walking away as they talked? Would you follow them like a puppy? It never ceased to amaze me how many people after being asked if they needed help, simple spun on their heals and started walking and talking.

It never ceased to dumbfound them when I did not follow them. After all, they didn't know what they were doing. I'm the one who knew store. Why should I follow them across the department just to walk back when we realize what they were looking for was 6 feet away in the first place? They were left talking to themselves while I just shook my head.

4. Follow the Golden Rule.
Treat the employees of the store like real people because they are. Treat them as if you expect to run into them after hours or around the neighborhood. Besides, you never know during the holiday rush just how close they are to the edge. You don't want to be victim number one when they go postal.

In the end
Since it seems impossible for most people to learn these basic rules on their own, it should be compulsory for all able-bodied adults, ages 18-22, to have to serve 2 years in the military, Peace Corps, or retail store. Being in someone else's shoes sure teaches life's lessons quickly.

Each citizen will emerge from their service with have a skill that can be used for life. If it is just knowing how to show a little kindness, this program will be a success.