Home Boot Camp: Discipline Tips for the Stay at Home Mom

Are you are at your wits end as a mom? Have you tried everything to get your child to behave and nothing has worked? Are you sick and tired of telling your child to clean their room or else, yet have no idea what the ELSE is?? Then maybe it is time for what I called "Home Boot Camp".

How it came to be:

I am not in the army. I'm a homeschooling mom of three children. As most homeschooling moms I am at home with my children just about 24/7. I remember the day I came up with the idea of "Home Boot Camp". I don't even remember what brought it up. I just remember I had HAD IT with my two youngest children. I didn't know what else to do and I think I had already gotten on to them for about the 20^th time that day! I remember calling my husband almost in tears. I was just a stressed out mom that day. I think he kindly told me to just send them to their rooms till he came home. I had ofcourse already tried that and it didn't work.

I am guessing another screaming match between the two set the "Home Boot Camp" into motion. I remember getting a garbage bag and I started tossing toys into the bag. My daughter cried as I did and I started to feel like the worst mother in the world. I must say I was shocked and my heart broke as I saw the reaction on my kids faces at their mean mommy took away their beloved toys. I started to have second thoughts and I called my husband again. I explained what I was doing and why. Let's just say he cheered me on!

So I packed up my daughter's whole room into TONS of garbage bags. I got all three of my kids to help me. I did the same to my son's room. After both rooms were empty except for maybe five toys in all my kids started to behave. They were pretty much angels for the rest of the day. I told them if they behaved till the end of the week I MIGHT allow them to return one toy to their room. I was shocked it worked!

The Effect

I still felt like a bad mom for cleaning out their whole rooms. I left them their beds and clothes ofcourse. But it made a point. Plus their rooms were finally clean! The rest of the week the kids knew if they kept up their bad behavior they'd lose the few toys I let them keep. But if they were good I'd let them get a toy back.

I remember something I heard Bill Cosby say. He told his kids that this was HIS home and their room was HIS room not theirs. I told my kids the same thing. I told them some kids don't have a nice room, bed and toys. I told them that if they don't treat us with respect then we can't respect them. This is something hard for younger kids to understand so I try to show my kids respect by respecting them in return. But if they fail to give that to me I can't give it to them.

I am glad to say rarely do this with my kids. All my husband & I have to do now when we are at our "wits end" is pick up garbage back and head up the stairs.

Start your own "Home Boot Camp"

I don't know your family or your situation. But if you have a teen who is treating you like dirt, a child who refuses to clean up his or her room, lies, sneaks out, cusses at you or something else that's disrespectful then it may be time to put this into action. But please if you can use this as a last resort. If you've tried everything from grounding, spanking, time outs and other ways of discipline that have had no effect then it's time to start. You may also want to give your child a fair warning ahead of time. This will get your words more effect when you do start packing up everything up. Just say something like "I have had it! Next time I'm going to pack up your whole room and put it in the garage!" Most likely your child may thing "Yeah right, mom". Then when you show up with garbage bags they'll see you kept your word.

I've suggested this number of times to other parents on Yahoo Answers and I just about always get voted best answer. One man posted a question to me as a thank you and praised how great it work with this own out of control teen. I have even heard Dr. Phil suggest this number of times on his show to parents. I was shocked the first time I heard him mention it and let me tell you I didn't feel like a mean mom!

Here are the suggested steps and rules that we use and also how to adjust them to fit the needs of your family.

1. Take some garbage bags to your child's room: We use garbage bags because they are big and can hold a lot of toys and junk. If you can let your child help you pack up their room or make them watch. But it is just fine if you decide to do this while your child is at school or away. Just pick up and everything store it in garbage bags or if you would rather pack it up in boxes. The only things left should be only furniture & clothes. A desk and stuff for homework if needed it fine too. I allowed my children to keep 5 toys like a favorite doll they slept with and a few things to play with. We have a basement which is where we stored all the stuff. If your child has posters on the wall those should go too. The room should be bare. Also if your child or teen has a habit of slamming the door. Then take the door. Yes, that is right take the door right off. Even if they don't slam because of lack of respect you may think they should lose their door.

2. Explain to your child why you did this: This is important. Let your child know that you love them but you have felt they don't respect you anymore. Remind them that all children don't have nice things, a loving mom & dad and a room, toys and electronics (CD players, MP3 players, phones, computers) are privilege. Let your child know that till their behavior changes they won't get anything back. But once you see a change they can start to get their items returned to them.

3. Put the child to work: I have heard of some parents making their children come right home from school and straight to their rooms. They even eat supper in their room by themselves. Since my children are under 11 we haven't done that yet. Plus we homeschool so they can't spend all day in their room as a punishment. But if you see this working for your family then try it out. But I feel a more effective way is putting the kids to work. It seems children these days don't have enough chores around the house. So my kids know when they act up and get into trouble because they are bored they will be put to work. By that I mean helping mom and dad with the house work. This can be anything from folding laundry, scrubbing the floors (for some young kids a wet rag, water and soap this can fun), helping clean out a closet and so on. This is better than sitting in a room doing nothing. Plus your house gets clean. If the child complains they are more than welcome to go back up their empty room and sulk. It is up to them.

4. Earning stuff back: You can put a time limit up how and when your child can get things returned to them. If the child is young it can be one a day. When I first did this my youngest two would get to each pick out one toy to return to their room if they were good that day. But if your child is older or you would rather it be once a week that is up to you. The fact is they are learning that toys and stuff is a privilege and something to be respected. Also you'll see they won't miss half the junk you take out of their room anyway!

5. What if it doesn't work: So what if this doesn't work? What if you do all this and your child is still hateful and disrespectful? Or the unwanted behavior is still happening. Well I'd suggest it is time to get some outside help or try something else. I have seen the effects of this with my own three children and heard from others who have had great results. Dr. Phil has spoken to parents on his show about this and I've heard how well it works. Plus if I think if a child can't respect their parents and treat them with love then they don't deserve to have a nice room with nice things. So after trying this and you have no results then it is time to try something else. Talk with your child's teacher, dr. or someone who can give you proper guidance.

6. How young is too young? I think my youngest child was maybe 4 when I used this method on him. I don't remember what he did but I remember I had tried everything and I was at my wits end with him and his sister. I even think he had fun helping me toss his toys into bags. I remember it didn't hit him till later that night that most of his toys were gone. I think he cried and again I felt like a horrible mom. I remember telling him he had to obey me and honestly I am not sure he understood. But I do remember the next morning when he started acting up I told him I'd have to put the rest of his toys in the basement if he didn't behave. He quickly behaved. He didn't want to lose the little toys he did have.

So I think it is up to you. Time out works great for most preschoolers and if it does that is wonderful! I personally think this would be a little to extreme to do this to a 4yr old so I wouldn't recommend. If you think this will help your child then use it. If you think your child is to young, won't understand then don't. It is up to you.

7. Isn't this mean and harsh? Yes I agree this is harsh. This is why I say it is for parents at their wits end. I was a spoiled rotten child and teen growing up. I honestly can't remember a time my parents ever punished me. I would have thrown a fit if my parents even tried touching my stuff as a teen. It was my room and they had no right. But then again I go back to what I have heard Bill Cosby say. He said on Oprah that a parent has the right to know what is in their kids room, the room is in your house, you pay for it and it is yours not theirs. I have heard some kids say "You are my mom you have to take care of me." Sadly that isn't true these days. If your child is old enough to understand then you may need to remind to your child or teen that some kids don't have parents. Some parents don't want to be parents so they don't take care of their children. Let your child know that you love them and you want to take care of them. Let them know that it hurts you to have them treat you this way.

Also as parents we do not have to give our kids toys, CD players, books, video games and tvs. We give them that stuff because we love them and want them happy. So if your child throws a fit when you take away all of their fun things remind them that you will still give them food, shelter and love. As soon as they can respect that then they can get the fun things back.

Closing thoughts

I think most as parents we often try to make our kids happy by buying them all kinds of things. We are all guilty of that! I know I am. I have seen with my own children the more they get the less they seem to take care of it. I remember reading a book with an Amish child in it. She was sick and in the hospital. She didn't know who Santa Clause was and was shocked when a visiting Santa gave her a doll. She gave it back saying she already had one. The Amish do not collect items so it would have been wrong for her to have two dolls. I then look back at my own eight year old daughter who by her own choosing packs up tons of dolls in a garbage bag just so she could get herself a new one for her birthday. I think I have more work to do with her.

The main idea though with the "Home Boot Camp" is to show and teach your child that life isn't about things & stuff. It is a privilege to have the nice things we give our children and you want to teach them that. You also want to teach them to respect you then in turn you'll respect them. Respect goes both ways not one.