Home from Iraq Only to Face War on the Home Front

After seven long months, my husband has finally returned from Iraq just to face an entirely new set of stressful situations.

When civilians on the home front think about hardships faced in Iraq we tend to think of the grunts (infantrymen) on the front line but the truth is, no matter what one's job happens to be over there, difficult situations arise throughout the course of the military member's deployment that can lead to a rocky reintegration back home.

My husband was one of the men in charge of an air traffic control (ATC) detachment at one of the air stations in Iraq. Normally, for him, controlling isn't the least bit stressful but controlling in that ridiculous airspace/environment, dealing with the admin side of controlling and fussing over the Marines themselves made for long stressful days. Where Marines on his crew worked normal eight-hour shifts he was often working 16+ hour days to keep everything running smoothly.

Eventually his health went downhill somewhat but he kept plugging along just like everyone else.

Add to this mortar attacks preceded by annoying sirens and followed by Iraqis screaming unintelligible Arabic profanities and, well the fun continues.

Finally, take away the basic comforts of home and what you get is one irritated working machine who now has to fly back home and is expected to attain some sense of normalcy almost instantly; back to being a husband or wife, a parent in some cases and stuck back into a workplace that is undoubtedly preparing to return to Iraq in six months. The result isn't pretty.

In my case, the first two days back were like a honeymoon phase with my husband. He said being home felt like a spa experience. Day three ended with a huge, nearly violent argument over why one of his PS2 games had escaped from its proper place (put away somewhere) and was left open on the entertainment center. This was the first sign that he didn't exactly come back in once piece.

When I told him I didn't now how it wound up in that spot (because I never played that particular game) he started screaming at me, called me crazy, asked if someone was coming into the house when I was away and he kept asking, "who moved the game" over and over as if his brain was caught in a revolving door. He didn't like my answer, "I have no idea!" and slammed my laptop down onto my fingers messing my middle finger's tendon up. He then picked it up and held it in the air aimed at my head.

This was all over a misplaced PlayStation game that none of us liked to begin with. I told him he needed to get help which made him even more upset. The next couple of days were rough but luckily his mother flew in for my daughter's birthday and it gave him time to relax.

Things got better but he was still on edge. He'd be happy one minute and irritated the next. Today, a week after his return was the first time he voiced just how difficult this transition has been for him and even mentioned how two of his peers have voiced the same exact difficulties. For whatever reason he now feels more open - the way he was before he left for Iraq.

He isn't ready to be placed into random social situations just yet. Yesterday he said, "I'm having a hard enough time getting along with my own wife - I don't think I'm ready to go golfing with my friends just yet".

He also mentioned how one of his peers, who left Iraq a week early to welcome his new baby son, is also yelling at his wife and on top of that stress isn't getting any sleep because of the baby.

A third Marine, a single Captain mentioned how he's having issues of his own just being back. Unfortunately he checked out of his unit today to go on another six-month deployment in a different location. He didn't have time to de-stress.

Many Marines are also returning home with a slew of medical problems, whether it's fungal infections, breathing problems, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or other diagnoses caused by the stress or just living in such a harsh environment. Nothing makes a Marine feel more useless than being sick and wondering what others think about him or her. No Marine wants to be a burden to his or her unit and often times we as Marines are made to feel like we are completely worthless if we get ill.

Most of these obstacles are brought up in the post-deployment debrief. Once the military members return home, they have the opportunity to go to another similar debrief with their spouses. Normal counseling is available but once again, it is a sign of weakness and is usually not an option for most military members, especially men.

While most post-deployment military members remain under some amount of duress on the home front, it's important for these men and women to be aware of their actions and to keep lines of communication open with both family members and their command if needed.

While anger plagues many returning members, there is no excuse for mistreatment of a spouse or other family member. There should also be no excuse for missing important post-Iraq medical appointments. Spouses must be calm, reassuring and steadfast at the same time in order to see progress. They should also have the phone number to their local Family Services Unit handy just in case.

Just as important in the healing process is respecting your spouse enough to realize that he or she won't want to hear six months worth of happenings in an afternoon or two, or even ten. Also if there was a death in the family that the military member was not informed of, wait a couple days if possible to break the news and be sure to break it gently. Also frowned upon are large family visits or even small gatherings. They aren't going to want to travel right away and they don't want the added stress of 20 questions times how ever many people are in your family.

If you do have a new baby in the house, don't expect your husband to take on full daddy duties right away. Let him join in on his own when he signals that he's ready.

Lastly, let your man (or woman) sleep - for a week straight if necessary. Trust me, they will need their beauty sleep to say the least!