Homemakers and Feminists: Side by Side, Not Head to Head

I recently read an article by Donna Schoenrock entitled "I am a Housewife" that really got me thinking. In the article, Ms. Schoenrock mentioned feeling guilty because she chose to be a homemaker instead of working for pay. Do we scoff at people who work for no pay now? Do we go down to the Red Cross, or the volunteer fire station or A.S.P.C.A. and sneer at those people because they work for free? Of course not. Yet I've heard people make patronizing comments about homemakers, and a lot of those people are career women who consider themselves feminists. If only those women would stop and think about where feminism has taken them, maybe they wouldn't be so quick to judge.

Donna also mentioned that she wished she had lived in the old days, when homemakers were revered instead of looked down upon. The desire for respect for a difficult job is understandable and fully justified. However, living as a homemaker in the old days wasn't an option. It was a requirement.

First of all, let me begin by saying that this article is not meant to belittle working mothers. Some have no choice in the matter, and others need something else in their lives in order to be fully satisfied. I have been married for 16 years and have no children, by choice. The reason? I was raised with the conviction that if you have children, you must be ready to put your own life second to their needs. That wasn't for me, BUT: some of my homemaker friends love it. They get a deep, soul-satisfying contentment out of homemaking and I envy them that satisfaction. I respect their choice although I've never regretted my choice.

Feminism, a term which has been misunderstood and twisted around many times, is the reason I HAD a choice. Feminism is the reason why a woman can now say, " I want children, but I also want to pursue my career. It's hard to do, but I'm gonna make it work." Feminism is ALSO the reason why a woman or man can now say, "I'm happiest making a cozy home and raising my children there. It's hard to do, but I'm gonna make it work." Unfortunately, this was not the case in the days before feminism. As a woman back then, you got married, had kids, and stayed at home. End of subject. Career women were looked down upon as "unmarriageable" and "odd" in American society.

Ironically, nowadays women and men who have taken on the responsibility of being a homemaker are being belittled and sold short by others because they don't get paid for it. This attitude is at complete odds with the concept of feminism. Feminism is about CHOICE. I don't believe that the first feminists meant for us to look down upon one of the most daunting tasks a human being can take on ( raising another human being). As homemakers themselves, I believe what they wanted was respect for their hard work and a few more career options. Considering all of the career choices and financial worries women and men face today, I think that those who choose to be homemakers should be given a LOT of respect.

Slighting comments made to homemakers like " So what's your REAL job?" or "Gee, I wish I could stay home all day" really get my goat. If I were a homemaker, the first words out of my mouth would be, "Really? I wish I could have regular working hours, time off, steady paycheck, sick days, health insurance, overtime pay, holiday pay, and coffee breaks! I envy YOU!" Instead I hear apologetic statements about being a "burden" for not bringing home a paycheck. A burden? Are you nuts??!!

In my high school Home Ec class, we were fortunate enough to have a real maverick for a teacher. She split us up into family units and let us each play homemaker with her own 18-month old boy and 3-year-old girl for a day. We started the day by cooking breakfast for three, plus baby formula. After that, cleaning the classroom (home). That included dusting, vacuuming, washing dishes, and doing laundry. On to mending and ironing, attending to the kids' needs through the day, and making lunch. Followed that with planning and going to the store for dinner on a set budget, cooking dinner, setting and clearing the table, and washing the dinner dishes. Finally got to sit down to balance the checkbook, only to get up again because the toddler had knocked something over or some other minor disaster.

Hard work? That's an understatement. I only thank providence that she never took us to the "teenaged kids" level. She was also kind in that she never made us change any diapers. She didn't have to: the point had been made. Our teacher had accomplished two very important goals. First, she had demonstrated to us kids that being an effective homemaker required good organizational skills, infinite patience and creative time management. Second, she showed us that having a baby and maintaining a home for that baby is a grueling and sometimes unappreciated task. (Something to consider before climbing into the backseat after a few beers with our boyfriends, no matter how much in love we thought we were at 16!)

So what does a homemaker do when the kids go to school? The house is still there. It still gets dirty. The kids come home in the afternoon. The family still has to eat. I suppose you could hire a cleaning service and a cook, arrange for daycare after school until one of the parents came home, and figure out how to get the kids there so the homemaker can go outside to work. To me, though, for one of the parents to say, "No, I'll take care of all that. You go on ahead with your career and I'll take over the home duties" is one of the most unselfish things a person can do. Why would someone apologize for being unselfish?

Thanks to feminism, women now have the resources to choose whatever they want to do, whether they have children or not. If someone chooses to keep the home fires burning, an often thankless and difficult task, feminists should be the very last people to look down their noses. Feminists should be saying "You go, sister! Do whatever makes you happiest because you CAN! "