Honesty is a Full-Time Habit

Those of us who have been blessed with children have all had the experience of identifying appropriate answers to tough questions. Did you love anyone before Dad? Did you ever wish that you had no kids? Did you ever take anything that didn't belong to you? We have all had them. They may vary in magnitude or significance, but the common thread will be - is it important to tell the truth? After all, in many cases, it's easier to proceed with life and reduce the number of subsequent questions.

The same types of issues prevail in the workplace: Where did you work before? Why did you leave? How much were you making there? What kind of work environment was it? Once again, we've all had these difficult and often personal questions that require response, not only for the sake of peace within the office but also because someone or some people are in your face and looking for some sort of answer.

There is never a time that is right for justifying dishonesty. Beyond the "slippery slope" concept (if you start telling small lies, it becomes easier to tell large ones), it never works to your advantage. The reasons are simple - one lie inevitably creates the need for the next one. Pretty soon you lose sight of the truth where you began. It also seems to me that each lie justifies another and another. How does that translate? According to this logic, somehow I'm okay with "stretching the truth" on an issue because of the events that preceded it.

No intention is made here to seem naive. Some of the questions that we are asked, especially by our children, are uncomfortable or have implications toward their behavior. We have all heard the responses - well if it was okay for you to do this as a child, why isn't it okay for me? For fear of wallowing in generalities, it may be helpful to provide some examples of truthful answers that do not encourage negative or undesirable behavior.

The question: Have you ever been drunk? Yes, unfortunately I have but learned something about moderation and self-restraint. You'll only need to feel once like cotton-mouth and head anvils before you realize that having had one or two drinks would have been a much wiser position.

The question: Have you ever been sorry that you had kids? A resounding "no" is the result. What about all of the money that we cost you and the time and the hassle? And what about getting up in the middle of the night to feed us? This is a terrific learning occasion. Being tired and getting up to feed you was nothing compared to the joy of having brought you into the world. I never minded a bit of it, especially now that I've seen what you've become years later.

In the office, the question: What do you think of our new boss? In spite of the possibility of believing that this is the greatest jerk on either side of the Mississippi, that observation is never right. The preferred response: It really is early to tell what kind of job he'll do. I'm sure that his intentions are good and that he'll do what is best for the company.

Another office question: What do you think of Bernice's new hairdo? It very well may be straight out of the 60's, both in terms of color and style. But this is not an observation to be made public. The better answer: She appears to be comfortable with it - it may be exactly the change of look that she's seeking.
No-one gets hurt, the rumor-mongers aren't set free and you haven't lied.

What we say to ourselves and to others does have importance, however casually it may be believed or delivered. My methodology is never to say something that I would like to be able to take back. Our children truly are listening to what we say and they deserve truth, no matter what the context. The same is true for our co-workers. In no case is truth a license for distributing pain or unkindness but if words are considered before uttered, they have the most profound power to educate and inspire.