Honey! I Love It. Now Can We Take it Back?

I grew up wanting to be Cinderella. The handsome prince comes to my door, sweeps me off my feet with an elegant proposal and we live happily ever after. Well, I got the happily ever after part anyway.

I had dreamed that the night would be complete with the aroma of good food, roses and chocolate and my knight in shining armor would be down on one knee with a sparkling diamond solitaire in a velvet case after having asked my parents for my hand ahead of time.

My proposal instead happened over the phone from a man that I'd not dated in over a year, that was stationed at a naval base 2,000 miles away. He called one cold night in October and after spending almost three hours talking about everything under the sun, finally admitted that he'd been miserable since we'd broken up and would I please consider spending the rest of my life as his wife. There was chocolate...but they came from the bag of Hershey's Kisses that my roommate Iris and I had bought at the local Walmart that afternoon. There were roses....sort of...one single long stemmed rose that Iris' brother had left on her car windshield the day she made the tennis team. And there was Italian food...if you count the can of Spaghettio's with meatballs that someone was warming in the Microwave at the end of the hall. But without any hesitation, I said "yes".

Floating on cloud nine, I went home for the weekend. Sunday at church, Mike's mother called me over and in the presence of all of our childhood friends handed me a small red box. Inside was my engagement ring. A simple and elegant gold band that contained several tiny twinkling diamonds. Not big enough to qualify as a solitaire, it was what he could afford on a Navy man- just out of boot camp's salary. His best friend John asked for the honor of being his stand-in and gently slipped the ring on my finger. Despite the fact that you had to have a magnifying glass to see the diamonds, it was perfect.

I sat down to write this article, and turned on "One Life to Live". Imagine my surprise to hear this conversation come up on a soap opera.
Rex has finally proposed to Adrianna. Dorian is having a fit because Adrianna doesn't have a "proper" engagement ring. But, many real life women have the same ideals in what they have to have.

I am reminded of a lunch conversation with a former coworker who had given her boyfriend a list of what she would and would not accept in an engagement ring when she thought he was getting ready to propose. "I told him that I wouldn't wear anything but platinum." she said. "I also wouldn't accept anything smaller than a carat and it had to be a princess or marquise cut diamond."

As the rest of us sat and stared at her, she continued. "And I certainly didn't want some tacky emerald or sapphire because engagement rings are supposed to be diamonds." She laughed as she told us that she got exactly what she wanted. "I did compromise and tell him that if he wanted to buy me another ring with rubies as a wedding gift, it wouldn't hurt my feelings." As she said this, she waves her right hand in our faces and flashes a princess cut ruby and diamond dinner ring.
Is Karen the norm or the spoiled brat exception to the rule? I ran a survey on one of the internet blogs and found that there are some who feel the same way.
One woman said that prior to her proposal, she would detour by the jewelry counter and point out the exact rings that she would like to have from each store they were in. Another said that if she got an ugly ring, she would make her fiancee take her back where he bought it so they could exchange it. "Tacky I know, but this is something I'm going to wear for life!".

Perhaps this is why many couples have begun to go together to pick out rings. Although, according to some men, it takes some of the romance out of it. My nephew just proposed to his girlfriend. "I wanted there to be some element of surprise." Said Drew. "So instead of taking her with me to pick it out, we spent several months playing around on some of the internet sites where you can design and personalize your own rings. " (www.steindiamonds.com/build_your_own_ring.asp ; www.adiamondisforever.com/dyoer/index.html )
"We would add in different gemstones, or choose a heart shaped stone. Sometimes she would laugh and shake her head before deleting the whole thing. But sometimes I would get "Oh, Drew". I took those designs and printed them out before I headed to the store to shop."

Drew was able to keep his proposal a secret, and left Jen with memories of a night she'll never forget, and a ring that she will cherish forever.

But what happens when you don't get the perfect ring? What if it's too big, or you're allergic to yellow gold? What happens if you have small hands and the solitaire looks like a Super Bowl ring? There are tactful ways to exchange it, without putting a stop to the engagement.

My first piece of advice is to be yourself....and be honest. If you absolutely hate the ring, for whatever reason, tell him. Just try to do it in a way that won't stomp on his heart and deflate his ego. And the last thing you want to do is sneak around behind his back and try to exchange it without him knowing it. Most guys do not pay attention to details, but most would notice that you had a totally different engagement ring than the one he bought you.

1. Tell him the reason you want to take it back. If yellow gold causes you to break out, he isn't going to want you to have constant rash on your hands.

2. Always be aware that he may have searched for a long time for the ring he bought. Ask him why he chose the one he did. If the reason is really romantic, you might try to allow the ring to grow on you. (don't go this route if you are allergic to the metal) If he says he bought the first ring that he was that he could afford, then you have leverage.

3. If you hate the entire style of the ring, suggest that maybe the two of you could go together and look for 3 piece engagement sets so that your rings will be sure to match. Try to go to the same store where he bought the original. Some stores will allow you to "trade up" even after you've worn it for awhile.

Friedman's Jewelers is a good example of this. My husband bought me a 1/4 carat solitaire for my 10th anniversary. On our 15th wedding date, he took the 1/4 carat back to the original store where he purchased it, and traded it up for a 1/2 carat and added a diamond and sapphire anniversary/ring guard. They gave him the full, original purchase price back towards the new total bill.

4. If i's too big for your hand, let him know this. Show him a photo of another style of ring that has the same total carat weight as your ring. A good style to look for if you have small hands is to find a band that has a small solitaire, but the other stones are a part of the band, rather than attached to it.

5. Be proactive. While I don't think Karen's list of demands is something you should do....If you think the engagement might be coming, begin to drop small hints such as "Did you know that Katie's engagement ring has her birthstones as well as a diamond?" If he is paying any attention at all...he will eventually get the hint.

What about the stores? What are their return policies? If you have something that you detest, are you going to be stuck with it for the next 20 years until you can afford to get something else. Or are you going to have to sell it on e-bay and pray you get enough to purchase something else?

Engagement Rings at some stores are considered by most "Special Occasion" jewelry and may not be returnable. engagementrings.lovetoknow.com/wiki/Returning_an_Engagement_Ring
If it's been resized, engraved or otherwise customized, you are most likely stuck with it for life.

Ranier's Jewelers states on their website that they have a 30 day money back guarantee if you are not satisfied for any reason. You have to call their 800 line and get an authorizion code. If the ring has been altered in any way, you can't take it back. www.rainerijewelers.com/return-policy.html

Every kiss may begin with Kay...and Kay Jewelers tries hard to make sure all of their customers are satisfied. They along with Zales, who advertises that they are "The Diamond Store", have a 30 day return policy and a 90 day exchange policy. Both require the original receipt.

Gordon's also have the 30 and 90 day policies in place. However, we encountered a problem with them recently in the way they handle refunds. I purchased a ring for my husband for our anniversary in November. It was too big, so we took it back. They were going to order him another one in his size, as there wasn't one in stock. 8 weeks later, the ring still wasn't in and they couldn't even tell us when it was ordered. Since the original exchange had been started 3 days after the original purchase, they agreed to give us a refund, but then stated that they didn't do in-store refunds. A check was mailed to us from corporate headquarters. It took an additional 2 weeks. So beware if you are on a time frame.

All in all, I think that exchanges have to be done on a case by case basis. And you must be upfront with the other party.
Ladies, don't ask for your engagement ring to be engraved unless you're positive that you are going to like the style of the ring. Also,try to convey to your boyfriend what your likes and dislikes are early in the relationship.
Guys! Pay attention. If you listen...we'll tell you everything you need to know.