Horse of a Different Color

Why are we still tripping off of interracial dating? Seriously, it's not like this is a brand new phenomenon that began yesterday. I'm perplexed, intrigued and baffled that people still get into discussions about black men dating white women or black women dating white men. And how strange that we only focus on those two groups! Are we now so incapable of loving one another that others are insisting we find someone else?

I firmly believe you should be with whom you love and not give a damn what anyone thinks. But within the past 5 years I have had a surplus of people saying to me, "Gail, you should probably consider dating white men if you want a real relationship."

Maybe I'm the only woman on the planet who didn't get the memo that black men (planet wide) are no longer interested in black women. Why should I have to quantify wanting to be with a black man? Hell, my daddy's a black man. And understand this, there have been many days I wanted to choke the life out of him, yet still I can find love for these men. I have been around the world and their strength, style and smile just radiates. Who doesn't want that?

Now, don't get me wrong. I do not have an issue with dating white men; Asian, Hispanic, Native American or Foreign Nationals for that matter. Here's why: Horse of a different color. What everyone seems to forget is the common denominator with these people: THEY ARE ALL MEN!

I have more than one obligatory white, Asian or Hispanic friend. American women, in general, all seem to have the same complaint about their men. The jokers are triflin! Am I the only person on this planet to have known the guilty pleasure of the late night show "Cheater's"? Have you noticed there's a large number of white folk on that program; cussing and fussing about who's cheating on whom? And here's a really sad eye opener. Every (EVERY) black woman I know who is married to or dating a white man is pulling her hair out trying to understand why they can't stay faithful. I guess brotha's thought they had the patent on that one. Or they forgot patent's run out and their game has been reproduced.

Honestly, my ideal mate has a good heart, a high level of integrity and an outstanding sense of self. God bless him if I'm able to bounce a quarter off of his abs or butt. I won't even complain if he has the stamina of a thoroughbred. I just need him to know I'm easily turned on by respect, sincere gifts and sharing. Not to mention that I may even be willing to do a stupid pet trick if he has above average communication skills.

I can't lie. I LOVE black men. I love their resilience, drive, determination, tenacity and boldness. I do not like that so many of them have bought into the media influenced descriptors of black women (loud, common, crazy, fat, stupid, lazy, gold diggers and sluts).

And even though I think Tyson Beckford and Boris Kodjoe are two of the finest men on the face of the earth, I would not be adverse to say . . . Jimmy Smits, Matt Damon, Jett Li or Russel Wong.

Honestly, the laws of attraction go so far beyond color. Only the limited human mind can only grasp being with their complete physical equal; that and the true narcissist.

Heck, I haven't been on a date since Clinton's first term. So short of someone just arriving from Mars or Neptune, my dating range is pretty vast.

I have to come back to this weird insistence of people, almost demanding me, to get with a white guy. "I just think a white guy would be better for you" a friend once said. My response was, "Why?" I really couldn't think beyond that. But that alone is a very valid question. She had no response.

What I realize with a lot of these suggestions is the mere fact that I'm articulate. How sad is that?! That we have come to a place in life where we think either black men are all ignorant, put off by an intelligent black woman or unworthy of a woman who is educated. What a sad testimony of black America that we assume we shouldn't strive to anything beyond the front porch and that someone educated would be detrimental to our development; if that is another black person.

In my defense, I'm not from the suburbs. My parents were scraight hood. Therefore I'm a baller by proxy. That means absolutely nothing other than to let anyone know I'm not to be played with.

Maybe my friends concerns are valid. After all, the last guy I dated told me I didn't give him enough drama. He said he needed a little "hood rat" in his woman, I was too nice and I made, "a brotha wanna settle down." Well, after we broke up all of his dreams came true. He spent many nights calling the police on his new lady love because she tried to kill him on more than one occasion.

After he realized that level of drama was too intense and broke it off with her, he spent many sleepless nights dealing with her stalking him; standing outside of his house in the wee hours of the morning, showing up at his job and even once driving 500 miles to one of his family events to announce their engagement (she had the rings in her pocket).

Finally he married a young woman in her late twenties, became a father for the fourth time at 44 years of age and has settled into paying college tuition for his three grown kids. Yep, I think that's about the right amount of drama for any one person; who thrives on drama.

One of my friends also pointed out that I'm too nice to black men. My take on that is, all of God's creations are worthy of love and respect. Black men are men and as men should know pure, honest, love. How sad that anyone would want to deny us love based solely on the color of our skin (it's twice as sad when it's us). Black men are also told by family, friends, co-workers and clergy that they should think about expanding their dating options because black women just don't know how to act.

How dare someone assume, based solely on the actions of a few that an entire race can be pegged unworthy. We are all not in the inner city killing one another, popping out babies like Pez dispensers and embracing the disrespectful term of "baby mamma or baby daddy". Even those in that environment are trying to get out and have a better life for their children and (regardless of socio-economic issues) deserve and want to be loved.

And if I point out kids in the inner city I have to point out folks in trailer parks too. HORSE OF A DIFFERENT COLOR!

I do believe opposites attract. But there has got to be some concrete similarities to keep them together. Trust me; you can't change anyone unless they are in diapers. So, seek understanding of the term "EQUALLY YOKED" and realize that has less to do with color than it has to do with spirit and knowledge of self.

So, is anyone on board with me? Can we finally stop the ignorance of being surprised when we see interracial couples? Can we let people love who they want on their own terms? Can my folks stop trying to get me with white guys? Heck, be happy for me knowing that I'm happy just being..

AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, would people leave Halle Berry, Robin Thicke and Kerry Washington alone. Especially Halle. HOW DARE people have an attitude toward her for being with a white guy (who is so fine I have to repent every time I see him) knowing that her mom is white! How stupid is that?

Can we stop telling articulate, educated black people to find anyone other than another black person to be with? Can we realize that if there is an educated, driven black woman being told to date white guys and an educated, driven black man being told to date white women, maybe someone can find a way for these (last) two people (fitting this description) to meet and find happiness.

If you are attracted to someone of a different race, MAZALTOV! If you love your race and want to be with someone from your hood whom you'Ve known since heck was a pup, DYN-O-MITE! But no one should be telling you to date someone else because they have lost hope in what you are.

Now, with that said, might I reiterate, I have not had a date since Clinton's first term. Fella's, act like you can still appreciate a lady or lose me when they colonize Pluto. I'm 42 and have no intentions of reproducing so I have no concerns as to what the kids will look, act or be like. But, I'm sure if I changed my mind on that my little Plutonian baby's would be adorable.

Learn love, embrace knowledge and understand we all originated from the same spot.

Peace.