Hosting the In-Laws for the Holidays

This year, being that the holidays found me nine months pregnant, my husband and I invited his family to stay with us for the holidays. We could not afford time-wise to make the 12 hour drive to see them, nor could we afford money or health-wise to fly to their parts, per tradition. So, our one condo saw six adults and one weiner dog for five days...and here I am to share with you what I've learned.

The inevitable advice with regard to hosting guests for more than one night is to plan ahead. I offer this advice with one caveat. When your in-laws book a multiple day with you, particularly with the heightened excitement of the holidays, it is important to plan, yes, of course. Plan meals. Plan itineraries. Plan to clean, tidy, run to TJMaxx to buy some more towels that are not stained with your mascara. But when it comes to my in-laws, I have also learned to Plan Not to Plan. I have to learn to be flexible and not to hold myself or them to unrealistic expectations.

For example. I asked my sister-in-law about her family's Christmas traditions. She mentioned that one cherished tradition was making cinnamon rolls on Christmas morning. I set about to find a recipe on The Pioneer Woman Cooks to make this recipe from scratch. I bought all of the ingredients in bulk. I envisioned us womenfolk rolling out the dough on Christmas morning, the smell of cinnamon wafting through the condo. And, to my delight, all of this came to fruition. But then after baking, my mother-in-law wanted to go for a walk. So we went for a walk. And then we returned and all of my guests were chomping at the bit for food in hearty portions. We sat down to what I considered a delectable breakfast of cinnamon rolls, milk and cider. My father-in-law found the cinnamon rolls altogether too doughy. And because he grew up in Korea where meals consist of myriad side dishes and rice, he simply could not conceive of just a sweet roll for breakfast. "Nothing else? Just cinnamon rolls?" he asked. I tried not to take his rhetorical questions to heart, but because I had so thoughtfully planned out the meal, my feelings were slightly hurt. Eventually, my brother-in-law busted out last night's leftovers and a complete meal of reheated Tofurkey, curry, and cinnamon rolls was enjoyed by all. I had not planned for this, but I also had not planned for anyone to be malcontent, so I welcomed the improvisation.

Another strategy for entertaining the in-laws is to book tickets to shows, museums in advance. Find out which venues offer student/senior discounts. Solidify times so that you are not left to linger around the IMAX theatre like a bunch of loitering teenagers as we had to when I forgot to double-check the showtimes. If you've got a big family, you may even qualify for group discounts.

And by the way, if you've got a big group, remember - there is only one of you. Expect that everyone will pitch in during the week. Do not passive-aggressively clear the table each night, hoping that someone will recognize your Martha face and hop to the helm of helping. Assign tasks, delegate, and just be as kind as possible about it and your week will go smoothly and no forks will be flung at foreheads.

Finding a good balance in activity and good old fashioned futon-surfing can be tricky, but knowing your in-laws really helps. Mine are quite young and certainly very ambulatory, so I tried to plan an outdoors activity each day. I tend to find that they get a thrill just from riding public transportation, so I incorporated a subway ride into a couple of outings. If your in-laws are not inclined to do much walking, consider a trolley or bus tour if you are in a metropolitan area, or factor in a few "snack stops" with any museum-hopping you may plan.

Of course, it is always a good idea to ramp up the Netflix queue or to borrow some videos in advance from the library so that you are armed and ready should the rains fall on your well-planned parade. Scrabble, Boggle, Scattergories and other games that can be played by more than two people are welcome activities for the homebound. Busting out old pictures or videos brings folks together (and can ultimately break them apart when the video of your husband wearing his Incredible Hulk underoos on the outside is shown).

All of these suggestions assume that your relationship with the in-laws is relatively amiable and that you lucked out, as I did, with ones who are big fans of you. If you've not been so fortunate, my sincere sympathies to you. May their visit afford you lots of naps since if you don't have a headache already, they're bound to give you one. Keep the Tylenol handy.