Houston Nutt/Ole Miss Jokes

For most SEC football fans, Ole Miss coach Houston Nutt's eleventh hour pickup of Oregon's banished quarterback Jeremiah Masoli smacked of desperation.

You see, Jeremiah Masoli was jettisoned by Oregon coach Chip Kelly after Masoli, the starting QB on Oregon's Rose Bowl squad in 2009-10 was picked up for possession of marijuana after an earlier situation involving a stolen laptop.

"We're in the people 'heppin' bidness'" Southern Pigskin's Idiot Of The Year Nutt intoned in his twangy voice when announcing that Jeremiah Masoli would be joining the Ole Miss squad right before the start of the 2010 fall practices.

Ole Miss fans seemed giddy about the addition of a proven signal caller being added to their team, even though Masoli had only one year of eligibility remaining.

Now Jeremiah Masoli's college career is over with Ole Miss having won only 4 games, thus failing to get into a bowl game. In a preseason interview with Ron Higgins of the Memphis Commercial Appeal, Nutt was quoted as saying that Ole Miss would be fortunate to win 6 games without Masoli. Then the Black Bears proceeded to win only 4 with the banished Oregon QB? Vintage Nutt.

Even as Houston Nutt painted a rosy picture about the situation, the NCAA initially ruled Masoli had to sit a year. The week before Ole Miss' season opener with Jacksonville State, Nutt was frantically lobbying the NCAA for an appeal.

Ole Miss won the appeal at the last minute, but guess what? The Rebs, or Black Bears or whatever mascot the school goes by these days, lost to Jacksonville State in overtime 49-48. Jacksonville State, located in Alabama, is a lower division team in the NCAA's FCS division.

In a preseason radio interview, Houston Nutt, long known for, shall we say, unusual antics, did the interview from an unusual location. A bathroom. There is an audible flushing sound at one point, the sound of a stall door shutting, but never the sound of running water. Hmmm.

Anyway, Houston Nutt has long been the butt of jokes in Arkansas, his home for a ten year reign of error prior to going to Ole Miss in late 2007. Most Hog fans are grateful Nutt is no longer our embarrassment.

Nutt, long known for taking in players or tolerating players with shall we say, legal problems, seems to have outdone himself with the Masoli situation and a few others on the Ole Miss team.

For his part, Nutt claims most of the problems are due to having a "small senior class". Not that Houston Nutt would ever attempt to deflect blame to some one else...

Could it be that the senior class is small due to so many players committing acts bad enough to get tossed even by the Hootenator?

How this man is regarded as anything more than a mediocre major college coach by most of the media is beyond me. Nutt has had most of the media fooled for years, I suppose due to his back-slapping "accessibility."

After a miserable 2010 season including losses to Jacksonville St., Vandy and another Egg Bowl ending up with egg on Hoot's face, Nutt just wanted to talk about 2008-9 in a recent presser.

In the season ending press conference, Nutt talked of cracking down in his offseason program. Arkansas fans have heard that one several times.

As for those who would say something along the lines of: "just let it go, Houston Nutt is long gone" yadda, yadda, yadda, or it makes Arkansas fans "look like lunatics" to make fun of Nutt, etc. I say: If Nutt had gone to Georgia Tech or some other conference, fine, let him go.

However, the man called Hoot went to an SEC West division rival, one of Arkansas' oldest rivals, and had apparently made an under-the-table deal to do so before he even left UA, hoodwinking members of the Arkansas athletic department and University in the process.

Recruits contact numbers were "lost" after Nutt took what then UA Chancellor John White called Nutt's "golden handcuff" money. I guess Hoot need those "golden handcuffs" to restrain his new players at Ole Miss such as Jeremiah Masoli.

Nutt badmouths the University of Arkansas every chance he gets. So as for the "Nutt Huggers", I'll make them a deal. When Nutt stops such nonsense, we'll stop making jokes about him. Maybe.

As for Ole Miss fans circling the wagons defending Nutt in such ways as comparing Hog fans to someone "stalking their ex-girlfriend"? Who cares. They're losers. I don't hate the guy, it's just that he makes himself such an easy target for jokes...

Toward the end of the 2010 regular season, Houston Nutt made a statement that was bizarre even by his standards, saying that Ole Miss would "start work tomorrow. Everything. We'll tighten up our shoes a little better, put our socks on a little better." I'm not making that up.

Can you imagine Nick Saban, Bob Stoops, Bobby Petrino or any real football coach spouting such gibberish? In any event, here are some Houston Nutt/Ole Miss jokes to celebrate the fact that Nutt no longer resides in our state:

Did you know that when Houston Nutt moved to Mississippi, he raised the average intelligence of BOTH states?

How do you tell the Ole Miss athletic dorms from the regular dormitories?
The regular student dorms don't have bars on the windows...

What are the first instructions given to Ole Miss recruits upon arriving in Oxford, MS?
"You have the right to remain silent..."

In a recent development, Ole Miss changed their mascot to a Black bear. Now, the school is thinking of changing their school color to orange.

That way, they could wear the same outfit to the game on Saturday, hunting on Sunday and picking up trash on the roadside on Monday.

Why don't Ole Miss football players tape their ankles?
They can't get the tape to stick to their GPS ankle bracelets.

What do you call it when an Ole Miss football player has a date?
A conjugal visit.

Have you heard about the Oxford, MS panty thief?
Police have narrowed it down to 22 suspects...

Speaking of the Oxford panty thief, Ole Miss fans keep calling Oxford Crimestoppers to turn in their defensive line. They suspected the players were hiding the panties under their uniforms...

When the Oxford panty thief was caught, Houston Nutt tried to collect the reward from Crimestoppers, exclaiming "I made that call, Brotha!"

Heidi Fleiss, the Hollywood madame, is in trouble again. This time, she's using the Houston Nutt defense.
Fleiss told the Judge in her arraignment that she wasn't a madame, she was in the "people heppin' bidness."

Houston Nutt didn't show up for his interviews at the end of the season.
Nutt cancelled all his interviews upon discovering all the bathroom stalls were occupied...

What instructions does Houston Nutt give his players when they are taken to jail?
"Don't leggo the soap!"

Why does Ole Miss have such problems getting the plays in from the sidelines?
Houston Nutt likes to text while driving...

Enjoy these Houston Nutt jokes while you can fellow SEC fans. I have a feeling after the 2011 season, which doesn't figure to be much better for Ole Miss than 2010, Houston Nutt will be banished to a lower conference to become the butt of jokes.