How "24's" Jack Bauer Helped Me Find Love

"Trust me. You'll like her."

Jack Bauer flipped on the video and she appeared on the wall sized screen. Jack Bauer and the CTU has had to keep busy since the writer's strike cancelled the new season. Jack started "24 Match". It's a simple premise: you spend 24 hours with a match. No "speed dating" here. You get the chance to know and destroy each other, slowly. Jack says it's a good substitute for the average marriage.

"Let's see here...." Jack slid his reading glasses on his nose.

"I didn't know you wore glasses," I said. "I never saw that on "24".

Jack glared over his glasses. "I don't. If word gets out that I do, it's not going to be good for you."

Jack moved the desk lamp towards me. It had an extra long cord. He pulled the cord between his hands. "It's so you can see better."

"Okay. Carla. She was an undercover operative in the Middle East. She has a PhD from Harvard, and is a black belt in Karate. She is looking for a man to make her laugh. She has not laughed lately. Can you make Carla laugh?"

"Um...sure".

"Okay, we will put her in your favorites. Send her a bomb."

"A bomb?"

Jack slapped the remote on the desk. "You haven't read the rules and procedures? We don't send "winks" at Jack Bauer's "24" Matches. Winks are for the sissy British MI6 and such. Real American's don't "wink". We bomb."

The slide changed.

"This is Reka. She is a foreign piece of asset. Her speciality is stealth assination. She can kill you with a pencil. Interested?"

"I should be, right?"

Jack cleared his throat then rubbed the round scar under his chin. "Yes, you should be. Reka doesn't like rejection."

"I should... send her a bomb?"

"Make it a pink one. Reka is a girly girl beneath it all."

"What about her," I asked.

"You mean Thomasine?"

"She's kind of cute."

"I don't think she is for you."

In the end I did pick Thomasine. After talking on the phone and emailing we got together. My code name (Match 24's version of usernames) was "crying game". Thomasine said we had to play the game and follow the rules, like "24". She assigned the name.

Later, Jack de briefed me.

"I told you she wasn't for you. How's your arm?"

It still hurt. Thomasine had twisted it into a jujitsu pretzel.

"You can't get your money back," hissed Jack. "It's gone. Laundered."

I should have gotten a clue from Thomasine's profile. Her favorite song was the Kink's "Lola".

"He is one of our best agents," said Jack. "So this means you don't want a second date? Thomasine sent you a bomb."

"Yes, a pink one."

"He's kind of girly man when it comes down to it," said Jack. "He is into weapons of mass seduction. Interested?"

"No," I said. "Not that there's anything wrong with it."