How to Ace a Thank You Note

What did you want, instead of what you received? A Porsche, a yacht, a trip to the Bahamas-did these expenditures figure in your daydreams? Well, maybe that significant other will NEVER get that tall order. So, how about making the thank you note a perfect gift instead? This strategy ensures that at least one of you will come out happy.

The first line can capture your reader's heart right off. Just compose a thought you've been holding back until now. Then, link it to the item that you received. You might say: "You gave me the gift of surprise, as always." You might even note: "I will always treasure your generosity."

Praise is the real tribute that you're sending. The more disappointing the present, the less you need to name it. Your relationship to the reader is all-important here. Thinking friend, sister, mother, or most significant other can get the ball rolling. Once you concentrate on this element of your shared life, the rest of the message unfolds in two more stages.

The same principle applies to formal responses to interviews, appearances, and engagements. The reader wants to hear the words "thank you," but you don't need to place them in that first line. If another order will please you more, go for it. Your reader will hear what you're feeling through the mood, the emotion, carried by careful diction. That same person will sense your tone if you reflect on "you," rather than "me."

As a test, count the total pronouns in your message. A perfect balance will include "we" and absorb your "I" into an embracing concept. Are you members of the same organization? Do you strive for the same goals? Write what you can say honestly. Recall the exact number of times you cemented values to create meaningful organization in all the lines that follow.

Thank you notes convey much more than gratitude for specific gifts. They may become keepsakes and even occupy a page all of their own in a scrapbook. The formal reader may also enter them in official records. As you compose each word, think long range. You may hate a gift or feel slighted by your most recent treatment, but, over the years, will temporary frustration matter?

This is your chance to shape your reader's recollection and even build anticipation. The second, third, and fourth lines can mention times parallel to your last joint occasion. The very last line can look to the future. Limiting the note to five lines will remind the writer that this task isn't endless. It means opportunity, more than obligation.

The key phrase may be "thank you," but that expression usually accompanies a "please." The note itself shows the writer's concern for manners, proprieties, and courtly behavior. Above all, it demonstrates a love of reciprocity.

A gift sends a message, too. The recipient may only hear, "I tried," but the sender may have stumbled in composing a choice, too. If we allow for that possibility, we can even send a note of thanks for what the sender might have forwarded-given the best day of his or her life. The most important point to keep foremost in mind is that the thank you note speaks for the writer. The gift is done.

If the recipient of a box of graham crackers hates them, it will show-if s/he values crackers above people. If s/he's counting presents like trophies on a mantel, a thank you note will read like an unhappy laundry list. But, if the writer shares a love of words that bind people together, the result will be short, sweet, and salty as a snack that runs out just when the reader can't wait for another.