How to Adjust to Single Life After Marriage

Are you single now after a life of marriage? Do you feel adjusting to the single life has been challenging and emotionally difficult? To help you learn where you can get support and what you can do to adjust to the single life after marriage, I have interviewed therapist Jodi Blackley.

Tell me a little bit about yourself.
"I'm a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist in Orange County, California. I have my undergraduate degree in Deaf Studies, and my Master's in Counseling. I've worked in school-based programs with at-risk youth, city clinics, County Mental Health and currently work in private practice with adults and couples. I also sit on the Board of Directors for the California Association of Marriage & Family Therapists as a Member-At-Large."

What makes it difficult for someone who was once married to adjust to the single life?
"There's a lot of adjusting to new experiences when returning to a single life. Adjusting to a new way of life after settling into routines with a long-term partner can be traumatizing, especially if the individual wasn't planning on separating from their significant other. Being single in your 20's is much different than being single in your 30's, 40's, and 50's. With age comes new responsibilities and health issues, which weren't considered in your 20's. Where there once was a partnership to approach daily living, being single means learning to depend on oneself for the finances and household. There's a need to re-establish social support if the friends tended to be other couples. A new residence and becoming a single parent may also be part of the impending changes. All these changes at the same time can be overwhelming if a person doesn't have the appropriate coping skills."

What are some things someone can do to help himself or herself to adjust to the single life after marriage?
"Most important, surrounding oneself with strong, positive people who can provide support is a great way to successfully meet the changes to be faced when adjusting to a single life. Family and friends are essential for emotional support; however, consider alternate outlets, such as counseling or a divorce support group, to help you process any feelings you may experience, such as feeling overwhelmed, anxiety, sadness or anger. These are all common feelings and many times, family and friends don't have the tools to help you deal with your feelings. Additionally, it's important to take care of your health, and focus on engaging in activities that will keep your stress level down, such as exercise, getting enough sleep, yoga, taking up a hobby or maybe returning to one that has been neglected during the marriage."

What type of help is available for someone who is single after being married?
"Counseling is accessible in practically every area. If you have limited funds and cannot pay for a therapist, you may want to determine if your health insurance policy has a mental health benefit, where you may only have a co-pay. Depending on your area, there may also be low-cost counseling centers nearby. Many churches or temples also offer divorce-support classes, usually led by a professional counselor, to help with adjusting to a single life. There are self-help books available. One I recommend to clients often is, 'Rebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends.'"

What last advice do you have for someone who is trying to adjust to the single life after marriage?
"Adjusting to single life isn't easy. Give yourself the time, room and opportunity to make the changes. Some may have to come quickly, due to logistical issues, such as where you will live and how you will pay your bills. Other issues may require more time for you to adapt, like making new friends, dating and feeling comfortable enough to attend outings without an escort. Don't try to tackle all these changes at the same time. Allow yourself downtime to process the changes. Seek support when needed and most important...take care of yourself throughout this process."

Thank you Jodi for the interview. If you would like more information on Jodi Blackley you can check out her website on http://www.jodiblackley.com.

Recommended Readings:
How to Have Fun Being Single
How to Recover from a Loss of a Loved One
Signs that a Man is Marriage Material